Hercules and the Lost Kingdom
This transcript is dedicated to the memory of Anthony Quinn.
You came searching for Hercules, but instead,
you found your death!
Hera killed him! It's only us, now! We must find
Hercules before it's too late!
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We're almost there! You're the last! It's up to you!
ACT ONE
There's a giant coming! There's a giant coming!
INN OWNER
Where is that water I sentcha to get! I've told you
before, you don't work, you don't eat!
VILLAGE GIRL
But it's true! I saw him! He's huge! The ground
started to shake, and-
INN OWNER
Oh, so the ground started to shake!
What like this?!
No, like that!
It can't be!
EXTRA
Shut the door!
EXTRA
Here!
EXTRA
Right away!
Please! Any--anything you want!
GARGAN THE GIANT
I want Hercules!
INN OWNER
Hercules? Th--there's no Hercules here! What
would Hercules be doing in a crumby place like this?!
GARGAN THE GIANT
Then I kill everybody!
EXTRA
Please!
I'm Hercules. What can I do for you?
You are Hercules?! I didn't come all this way to
kill something as small as you!
HERCULES
Fine by me. Look, why don't you sit down, have
some stew.
GARGAN THE GIANT
First, you, then, stew! Come on, little man.
EXTRA
Be careful.
You know? This really isn't necessary.
GARGAN THE GIANT
Oh yes, it is.
Look! You don't have to do this!
Looks like Hercules has finally met his match.
ZEUS
I beg your pardon, sir, I don't think so.
GAMBLING VILLAGER
What do you know, old man?
ZEUS
Oh-h, I know about these things.
Maybe we do have to do this.
Now, I kill you!
Huh?
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Here's to Hercules! Slayer of giants!
Bravo!
INN OWNER
Our little village will be famous forever! And to
show our appreciation, we're gonna build a shrine
to you, Hercules!
HERCULES
No shrine, thanks. I, uh, wouldn't know what to
do with one.
INN OWNER
But you must want something! I mean all the gods
want something!
HERCULES
I'm not a god. I--I don't want anything. I just
wanna finish my meal.
Hercules, look!
Are you Hercules?! A hundred of us were sent
to find you!
HERCULES
Bring him water. You're safe, here. Where are
the rest?
MARATHON MESSENGER #1
Dead. All dead. Killed by the Queen of the Gods.
She didn't want us to find you.
HERCULES
Hera.
MARATHON MESSENGER #1
Hercules, ya hafta help us. We've been driven from
our city and all our best warriors killed. We've done
nothing wrong. And still the goddess punishes us.
Please, take our side? Help us?
HERCULES
What city is this, my friend?
MARATHON MESSENGER #1
The lost city of Troy.
EXTRA
Troy!
EXTRA
Troy.
HERCULES
I'll find it.
MARATHON MESSENGER #1
But you can't. It's lost in the mist. Only I can lead
you back.
HERCULES
Then you will. Now, drink and rest.
What has happened?
Hercules, stay away from Troy.
Hey, wait a minute. Where do you think you're going?
ZEUS
Oh, ho-ho-ho, you were great with that giant.
HERCULES
No forget about the giant. How do I find Troy?
ZEUS
Hercules, don't get involved.
HERCULES
"Involved." Hera killed that messenger in my arms.
ZEUS
She does strange things. She's the Queen of the Gods.
HERCULES
And you're supposed to be king.
ZEUS
Who says I'm not? Hercules, if you were only nice
to your step-mother I mean, if you went into one
of her temples, and did a small sacrifice-
HERCULES
You've got to be kidding.
ZEUS
Then you'll never find Troy. She's vanished it.
HERCULES
So, you're not gonna help me. Again.
ZEUS
Oh, how can I explain? I can't.
HERCULES
Fine. Thanks, father.
Hey. Hey, w-wait a second. Wait a second. I
probably shouldn't tell you this, but you must find
the one, true compass. It points directly to Troy.
King Omphale had it last.
I can't tell you any more. You'll have to find it yourself.
HERCULES
Why don't you come with me?
ZEUS
Oh, if I were only a thousand years younger...and single.
Excuse me. Excuse me, sir? Whose shrine is this?
CHIEF ELDER
The shrine of the water god. He withholds the rain
and we have nothing to eat!
Well, eat this stuff before it goes bad.
CHIEF ELDER
No, no! This is for the water god in case he gets
hungry while waiting.
HERCULES
What's he waiting for?
CHIEF ELDER
The virgin.
She's going to fall to her death in honour of him!
HERCULES
Sir, human sacrifices don't work. I'm gonna have
to bring her down from there.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
What are you doing?! Go away! You're interrupting
a religious ceremony.
HERCULES
Yeah, well, if you're sacrificing yourself to the water
god, he's not home. You're wasting your time.
See? What'd I tell you? That was close, you almost fell.
DEIANEIRA
I was supposed to fall, you idiot! Didn't you ever
see a sacrifice? A maiden, at the height of her
fertility, is the only thing that can save the crops!
So, you're a maiden at the height of her fertility?
You've spoiled it. It took all morning for the rope
to burn through. You have no right to interfere
with my destiny with the gods.
HERCULES
Take my word for it. The gods don't care about
your destiny.
DEIANEIRA
And who are you that you know so much?
HERCULES
I'm Hercules.
DEIANEIRA
You're parents named you after Hercules? Hah!
What a laugh!
HERCULES
I don't have time for this. I have to get to Troy.
Put me down! This is between me and the gods!
HERCULES
Would you stop squirming or we'll both fall!
What's the matter with you people?
CHIEF ELDER
She said her destiny is to be with the gods.
HERCULES
The gods don't care about her or you. My own
father's one. I wouldn't trust him with my sister,
if I had a sister.
DEIANEIRA
Which I hope you don't!
HERCULES
Which I'm glad I don't! Forget the gods! You can
get along without them. If it doesn't rain, irrigate.
(to Deianeira) I wouldn't stay here if I were you.
Hey! If you really are Hercules then, obviously I
wasn't meant to drown in that mud hole, which
is why you came along. You're part of my destiny,
which means you're working for me.
HERCULES
Look, kid, I've already got something important
to do. There's a whole city waiting for my help.
Unfortunately, it's a lost city, which makes it harder
to find.
DEIANEIRA
But you must have been sent to help me, whether
you know it or not. Look, I've decided, the best
thing to do is to travel together.
HERCULES
Is that right?
DEIANEIRA
That's right, until the gods show me a sign.
HERCULES
Well, if you're gonna follow me you better keep
up with me.
DEIANEIRA
I can keep up with you.
HERCULES
What's your name?
DEIANEIRA
Deianeira.
HERCULES
Well, Deianeira, when was the last time you ate?
I never eat. Food's a luxury I don't have time for.
So, of course, it was only natural I'd give my life
over to public service. See, my father was this really
handsome king who loved me more than anything
in the world. But then, when his kingdom was
threatened, he sent me away for my own good. I
think he made quite a sacrifice, don't you?
HERCULES
That's a well-known fairy tale, Deianeira. My mother
used to tell it to me. Who told it to you?
DEIANEIRA
I told it to myself, all right? You don't think orphans
need fairy tales too?
HERCULES
Well, sure I do. I mean, we all do.
DEIANEIRA
What do you know about it? Your father's a god.
HERCULES
Well, he wasn't home much, I can tell you that.
DEIANEIRA
Yeah, well, my father is this really handsome
king who loved me more than anything in the world.
Sweet dreams, kid.
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Who are you? Why do you follow me? If you're
protecting me, here I am. I could use protecting. Wait!
Who are you talking to?
DEIANEIRA
Nobody.
I heard you-
Don't just stand there. You're blocking the road!
Will you get out of my way you mountain of meat?!
STRONGMAN BROTHER
No one passes today.
HERCULES
I've come to speak to the king.
STRONGMAN BROTHER
The king is dead.
HERCULES
The king's dead?
STRONGMAN BROTHER
That's right.
HERCULES
I was sent by Zeus, himself. I mean, there must
be someone I can see. It's very important. Come on.
Too bad. You and Zeus are six years late.
STRONGMAN BROTHER
And no one passes today.
DEIANEIRA
Do you know who you're talking to? This is Hercules.
You better get out of our way or he'll crush your
skull like a bird egg and make all the goop run
out. J-
Please? (to the Strongman Brothers) Well, uh,
who's in charge of the kingdom? I have to see him.
STRONGMAN BROTHER
Our queen sees no one. She appears in public
only once a year at the great slave market.
STRONGMAN BROTHER
Which is today.
DEIANEIRA
Slave market? That's outrageous! How'd you like
to be a slave? But I guess you already are; slaves
to the slave market.
STRONGMAN BROTHER
Does she belong to you? You could teach her
some manners.
HERCULES
Oh, she belongs to no one, believe me.
DEIANEIRA
Twin half-wits, huh? Mom and Dad must be really proud.
Come here! We can get more for her at the market
after I cut out her tongue. This will just take a moment.
HERCULES
Yeah, I know.
Wow.
HERCULES
From now on, be quiet. I'll do the talking.
DEIANEIRA
I was only trying to help.
HERCULES
I don't need your help.
DEIANEIRA
You're so ungrateful. You know, you don't ever
thank me. All you do is you always tell me what
to do. Two more Strongmen Brothers wait.
HERCULES
All right, remember what I told you.
DEIANEIRA
Let you do the talking.
HERCULES
That's right. Greetings. I'm here to see the queen.
I was sent by the King of the Gods.
STRONGMAN BROTHER
How'd you get past the brothers?
Stop him, brothers!
STRONGMAN BROTHER
Prepare to die, trespasser!
Don't let him get away!
I love this.
HERCULES
I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. How many of
you brothers are there?
We are the forty-eight sons of Martinus, guardians
of the gate.
STRONGMAN BROTHER
On the blood of my brothers, now you will die! Ah!
And now, you will die.
Only forty-two more to go.
Not that way!
What?
HERCULES
How'd I ever get mixed up with you, anyway?
DEIANEIRA
Oh, that's great.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why are we sneaking in? We were doing great.
HERCULES
I have to talk to the queen about a compass, not
leave a trail of bodies forty-eight brothers long.
DEIANEIRA
Surely, there must be an easier way than this. Oh.
What did you push me for?!
HERCULES
I didn't push you. You fell.
DEIANEIRA
No, you pushed me.
HERCULES
Now, listen, behave yourself, this is a big city. So
keep your mouth shut.
DEIANEIRA
Don't tell me what to do. I've been in a big city before.
One day only! One day only!
EXTRA
Tomatoes, sweet and beautiful.
EXTRA
Hey, hey! Try my rabbit. Try it.
HERCULES
Hungry?
DEIANEIRA
Yeah.
How much?
EXTRA
For you, nothing. Tell your friends. Tell them!
Tell them!
This rabbit tastes funny.
HERCULES
That's because it's possum.
Welcome! Welcome, everyone, to the queen's slave
market! For our first item today, we have this
attractive, former princess of Thessaly.
Still listed as a virgin and with excellent references
up and down the country. She's anxious to find
a domestic position and she can start immediately!
Now, what am I bid?! Who can-
Look at her. Look at her.
EXTRA
She beautiful.
EXTRA
Yes. Yes.
DEIANEIRA
How ya gonna get to meet her?
HERCULES
I'll think of something.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, you're calling him Hercules, hmm? Heh-heh.
It might work.
DEIANEIRA
He is Hercules. Look at him.
Ouch. You convinced me, kid. Like to come this
way, uh, Hercules?
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And here we have Hercules! Son of Zeus! Available today only! For one day! To clear fields! Move heavy objects! Or you name the labour! At ten dinars, who'll open the bidding?!
EXTRA
Twelve!
EXTRA
Fifteen dinars!
EXTRA
A hundred!
EXTRA
Seventy-five!
EXTRA
Eighty!
EXTRA
A hundred!
EXTRA
A hundred!
EXTRA
Two hundred dinars!
EXTRA
Seventy-five!
EXTRA
Three hundred!
EXTRA
Two hundred!
EXTRA
Three hundred!
EXTRA
Three fifty!
EXTRA
Five hundred dinars!
EXTRA
Six hundred dinars!
EXTRA
Seven hundred and fifty!
EXTRA
Eight hundred dinars!
EXTRA
A thousand dinars!
EXTRA
Eleven hundred!
EXTRA
Twelve hundred fifty!
Sold to her Highness, Queen Omphale!
And may her Majesty find much pleasure in him!
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Your Highness.
QUEEN OMPHALE
I'll take this to him.
WAYLIN
As you wish.
QUEEN OMPHALE
Thank you, Waylin.
Are you comfortable?
HERCULES
Too much so. Queen Omphale, I put myself up
for sale, because it was the only way I could get
to see you. I'm on a journey to the lost city of Troy
and Zeus told me your husband had the only
compass that could lead me to it.
QUEEN OMPHALE
There's plenty of time for that when you've completed
your work here.
HERCULES
Of course. What is it you want of me?
QUEEN OMPHALE
Hercules, the best thing about being queen, is
that I can make a holiday whenever I want. I've
decided no one will work in my kingdom today.
So, rest here and tomorrow, we'll see.
HERCULES
Apologies, my queen. You only have me for the day.
QUEEN OMPHALE
But I paid for a thousand days.
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But-but this is way too much for one day's work.
AUCTIONEER'S SIDEKICK
Sh-sh-sh. If you find any more Hercules' like that,
you just bring them to me, okay?
EXTRA
I'll give you four.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Is someone hitting this door-
DEIANEIRA
With a rock? Yeah, me. Where's Hercules?! I need
to talk to him.
WAYLIN
This door, is over a thousand years old. And in five
minutes, you've made dents in it.
DEIANEIRA
Excuse me, Eunuch! I just gave you a message to
give to Hercules!
WAYLIN
Hercules is unavailable for the foreseeable future.
And I'm not a eunuch. I'm a slave.
DEIANEIRA
What's the difference?
WAYLIN
Ha...uh-h-h...I'll tell ya when you grow up.
Lovely kumquats, two for a dinar.
DEIANEIRA
I hate kumquats.
EXTRA
You don't like a bargain?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gods!
You're a funny man, Waylin.
EXTRA
Hey! Whoa!
EXTRA
Here, have more.
Hey! Watch it!
DEIANEIRA
Excuse me.
JANUS THE BARTENDER
Welcome, slave.
DEIANEIRA
Do I look like a slave? Just give me the menu.
WAYLIN
I'll be back, Helena.
DEIANEIRA
I'll have the wild chicken.
JANUS THE BARTENDER
And to drink?
WAYLIN
She doesn't like slaves. You can be frank, here,
even tyrannical, if you want.
JANUS THE BARTENDER
She's a master?
DEIANEIRA
Look, can I get some service, or what?!
WAYLIN
Uh, why don't you come to my table, huh? The wild
chicken's gonna take a while. First, you gotta chase
'em. Then you gotta catch 'em. These girls work
for the government, too.
Mm-hmm.
DEIANEIRA
You're all slaves? Happy slaves?
WAYLIN
We have financial security, steady work and no
chance of being fired.
DEIANEIRA
You're miserable, and you don't even know it.
You should be fighting to be free, fighting to the
death, probably.
Appetizer.
DEIANEIRA
Food?
When was the last time you ate? We get three
squares a day working for the government and a
roof over our heads.
EXTRA
Mm-hmm.
WAYLIN
A toast to Queen Omphale.
EXTRA
Salud.
You call this a chicken?!
WAYLIN
It's small and tough because it had to make it
on its own. No offense. Oh, no.
It's Malus.
Ya don't pay your protection money, how we gonna
protect you?
Just a moment, you! I am Princess Deianeira of
Thessalonia. And these slaves belong to the
royal household.
MALUS THE HOOD
It's just business, Miss.
DEIANEIRA
How much do they owe?
MALUS THE HOOD
Ten dinars a week, three weeks behind.
Very sensible...Princess.
DEIANEIRA
Don't be smug with me, you arrogant bucket of slop!
Can she talk to him?
MALUS THE HOOD
Very well. And know that if my men find any impersonators
to your royal family, we'll honour you by slitting
their throats.
Whatever you paid him, he'll just want double
next week, unless you really are a princess.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
You slept well, I trust. You must be hungry.
I have no right to rest like this. My journey is urgent.
QUEEN OMPHALE
Eat something. You need your strength.
HERCULES
No. What I need is the compass that points me
to Troy.
These are my late husband's navigational instruments.
With them, he traversed the world. They can guide
you to where you want to go. Take what you want
of them. They mean nothing to me.
Thank you, Queen Omphale. I know this will take
me to Troy.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't! Hey, listen, I know Hercules is in there.
You're squashing my foot! Tell Hercules his friend,
Deianeira's waiting and if he doesn't come out
soon, she might not be waiting anymore.
Princess Sayonara of Thessalonia. Do I have it
right? Or is it by any chance, Princess Dead
Squirrel Meat?
Kill everything, except her tongue. Bring that to
me. I want to watch it flap in the dirt.
Get her!
EXTRA
Out of the way!
EXTRA
Hey!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
We got her!
EXTRA
That was easy!
Hercules?! Hercules! Wait!
It's you. You saved me.
BLUE PRIEST
I must go.
But you've been following me since I was a kid
I wanna know why. Hey! I'm talking to you!
BLUE PRIEST
As you follow your destiny, I follow you.
DEIANEIRA
Follow my destiny? What is my destiny? Tell me!
Are you ready to travel? Or maybe you need another
couple of days in bed.
HERCULES
This will get us to Troy. The queen was very generous.
DEIANEIRA
Hmm and of course, you couldn't say no.
HERCULES
Let's go, Deianeira, time's wasting.
DEIANEIRA
Not-not so fast! I made plans for lunch. Come on.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ya paid last time, so ya can pay again.
JANUS THE BARTENDER
I didn't. I couldn't.
HERCULES
Excuse me. Is there a problem?
MALUS THE HOOD
Not if ya got thirty dinars, slave.
WAYLIN
Why don't you just leave people alone?
MALUS THE HOOD
Mm-hmm, yeah, sure.
Haa!
HERCULES
Huh?
EXTRA
Look out!
Sorry.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Goodbye, Waylin.
Master, every cringing cur in the kingdom owes
you obedience. I thank you, from the bottom of my
servile soul for saving my life.
HERCULES
It's no problem. I enjoyed it.
DEIANEIRA
Bye, Waylin.
Don't be a slave all your life. Hmm.
I have no choice.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Can I try?
HERCULES
Sure.
Get back here. This way.
DEIANEIRA
Oh.
How far is this Troy, anyway?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hercules, something's been bothering me. And if
you are a god, then you can answer it.
HERCULES
What bothers you?
DEIANEIRA
I wonder if maybe I am one.
HERCULES
A god?
DEIANEIRA
Mm-hmm.
HERCULES
Don't be a god.
DEIANEIRA
It's not up to me...is it?
HERCULES
Be a girl, and then a woman.
DEIANEIRA
Just a woman?
HERCULES
My mother's just a woman and everyone loves her,
which is why Hera hates my guts. Look, I know the
gods, and most of them are bums. I mean, they
kick people around because they're bored or
because some other god tweaked their nose.
They live forever. It makes 'em crazy and mean.
DEIANEIRA
What about you? Are you immortal?
HERCULES
You wanna know?
DEIANEIRA
Mm-hmm.
HERCULES
And so do I. All I can tell you is when the sun's
out, I'm gonna live forever. Then at night, when I
can't sleep and the worries come creeping in...well,
the next monster's gonna get me for sure.
You said somebody's been following you.
DEIANEIRA
Yes, since I was a kid.
HERCULES
Stay here.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't need a slave, Waylin. I mean, I appreciate
the offer, but it just wouldn't work out.
WAYLIN
But, you saved my life back at the bar. I've decided
to devote the rest of my time to your service.
DEIANEIRA
Don't you wanna be free?
WAYLIN
I can serve as a free man.
HERCULES
I don't need a free man, either.
WAYLIN
I don't think you realize how truly useful an obsequious
person can be.
You worm! Haven't you got any self-respect?!
Look at yourself!
WAYLIN
Hey! What do you want?! I'm a professional slave
It's what I do and I do it well.
HERCULES
You have to admire a man who knows what he's
good at.
WAYLIN
I await your command.
HERCULES
All right, here's my command. Return directly to
Omphale's kingdom and serve her for the rest
of your life.
WAYLIN
Is that what you really want?
HERCULES
Yes!
WAYLIN
Then I must obey. You'll never see me again,
either of you. But know this, Master: whomever I
serve in the future, I dedicate my servitude to you.
HERCULES
Waylin would...thank you.
Great. We come all this way, and now your one,
true compass is pointing to nowhere. I suppose
it's broken now.
HERCULES
It's not broken.
DEIANEIRA
Well, my destiny doesn't stop here.
HERCULES
Somebody's did.
Look at this bone yard. Troy must be on the other
side of this ocean.
DEIANEIRA
How are we going to get across? We don't have
a boat.
Rise. Rise, blue serpent, and do the work that
Hera asks of you.
DEIANEIRA
Hercules, I feel something happening.
Who is that? Is that the man who's been following you?
DEIANEIRA
It's my protector, Hercules.
Some protector.
ACT TWO
Did you see that? It came straight for me!
HERCULES
I noticed.
DEIANEIRA
I told you my place was with the gods.
HERCULES
Deianeira, I don't think the gods hang out in here.
DEIANEIRA
But they accepted me. That's all that matters.
HERCULES
I don't know why you're so excited. We're about
to be digested.
DEIANEIRA
Don't you understand? This is supposed to happen.
HERCULES
No-
-that's what's supposed to happen. It's the wrong
way out.
This way. Stay here.
Hold on! I'll come back for you!
Hercules! There's something in here!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
No!
Did you kill it?! Did you kill it?! Is it dead?! Is it dead?!
HERCULES
It's dead! We've gotta get outta here! Give me your hand!
It's Troy, Hercules.
How do you know?
DEIANEIRA
I remember, now. It's where I'm from.
Why are you stopping now? We're almost there.
HERCULES
Something's not right. We could be walking into a trap.
DEIANEIRA
Hercules, you still don't believe my whole life's been a
journey here. And whatever the gods intend, I will fulfill
with or without you.
HERCULES
I'm pretty sure it's a trap.
DEIANEIRA
Then without you and fine by me.
Of course, uh, I could be wrong.
DEIANEIRA
Will you get me down?! Get me down, Hercules!
Would you-
I've already killed you, spy, but for information to
please my king I may loan you back your life.
DEIANEIRA
Kill him, Hercules!
We're your prisoners. We won't resist.
DEIANEIRA
The hell we are! I'll die right here before you keep
me from my city!
TELAMON
"Your city"? The city is ours. And though we may live
in the woods now, the people of Troy will one day retake
their homes and be exiles no more.
HERCULES
Take us to your king.
DEIANEIRA
Hercules, you want us to be captured? I bow to no king.
You'll bow to the king of Troy. Who only knew you
landed the instant your foot touched our shore.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why daddy?
TELAMON
Up the stairs.
You found her.
As you predicted, my king. An easy snare.
DEIANEIRA
Hey, what's going on here?
KING ILUS
Tell me your name, young woman.
Deianeira.
TELAMON
I don't understand. I thought they were spies.
KING ILUS
Will you leave us, my friends?
Are you my father?
KING ILUS
Yes.
DEIANEIRA
Yeah, but, I gotta figure this out. You're a king. The
king of what? The king of Troy? So, how come you
live in the woods?
KING ILUS
Your words still spill out. Deianeira, I did a terrible
thing which I've kept hidden all these years. You
were such a beautiful child that Hera demanded
I sacrifice you to her sea monster. I couldn't do it.
I sent you away, across the sea. Yes, I saved you,
but Hera was angry. She sent the Blue Priest to
drive us out of the city, to live in the forest as exiles.
And only I knew why.
DEIANEIRA
Because of me.
KING ILUS
I loved you too much. I sacrificed all of Troy for one,
tiny girl.
DEIANEIRA
No, you sacrificed your own heart to keep me alive.
I found my way back, as you knew I would. I will
never leave you again.
KING ILUS
I'm glad I waited. The people need you, my daughter.
Lead them well.
DEIANEIRA
Father?
KING ILUS
I have what I want. The rest is yours.
Father? (crying) Please don't go. Father. Father.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The king, my father, is dead.
EXTRA
No.
EXTRA
No.
DEIANEIRA
He taught us how to live when we were driven from
Troy and that the spirit of our people cannot be broken.
We must never forget him and the city that he loved.
This is Hercules.
EXTRAS
Hercules?
DEIANEIRA
He can teach us how to fight and win back our homes.
EXTRA
Yes.
EXTRA
Yes.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Let's charge the city right now, Hercules, and see
how many each one of us kills before he dies.
HERCULES
There must be a better way than a frontal attack.
TELAMON
That would be the coward's way.
HERCULES
Well, we certainly wouldn't wanna take the coward's
way, would we, Telamon? 'Cause that way, who
knows? Some of us might get out of this alive.
DEIANEIRA
I think we should go back now.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The girl is here. I can feel her presence. She will not
escape me this time. Prepare the sacrificial chamber.
CHIEF MONK
It shall be done.
Yah!
END OF ACT TWO
ACT THREE
Come out! Come out, spy!
WAYLIN
Ow! Oh! I'm not a spy! Whoa! I'm a slave!
NEVUS
The people of Troy do not allow slaves.
WAYLIN
That's all right, I'm used to prejudice.
NEVUS
You're comin' with me! Come on!
WAYLIN
Careful, it's a thin cloth.
NEVUS
Go on! Get a move on!
WAYLIN
Ooh. Ooh. Hey, after you.
NEVUS
Straight up the hill.
WAYLIN
Oh.
NEVUS
Come on!
WAYLIN
Ooh, Zeus, it's a nice day.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
No, face the target at a right angle. Don't square
off, okay? You wanna grip the bow in the middle.
And hold onto it like you have a bird in your hand.
Maybe we should find a different weapon for you.
(to another) Use your back more when you draw
back, okay?
Deianeira, you have to get yourself into a rhythm.
You notch, draw, aim, release.
That's good. You have steady hands.
DEIANEIRA
You can make 'em tremble.
HERCULES
Uh, next time, bend your left elbow a little more.
Are you pulling back on that more, using your back.
You shoot well.
TELAMON
So, why do we need him?
EXTRA
Very good.
DEIANEIRA
He's Hercules.
WAYLIN
Ow! Y--you know, I work a lot better without a knife
in my back.
NEVUS
Just get on over there!
WAYLIN
Excuse me, what's your name?!
NEVUS
Just keep moving!
WAYLIN
"Just keep moving"? Is that a first name or a last
name? Just keep moving.
DEIANEIRA
Waylin, how did you find us?
WAYLIN
Oh-h, it wasn't easy.
I wore the wrong shoes.
HERCULES
Waylin, what are you doing here?
WAYLIN
Hercules, you know? The more I thought about it,
the more I think you're making a big mistake. You
need me as a slave, a good slave, a slave who
knows how to be obedient, even if it means being
a pain in the ass.
HERCULES
Obedient. I ordered you home and you've disobeyed me.
WAYLIN
That's a good point. But what I'm trying to tell you,
without being obsequious at all, is that my place
is here with you.
HERCULES
Yeah.
Give me that. Come with me.
WAYLIN
Can I get something to eat?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you think, Hercules? Do we stand a chance?
HERCULES
I've watched you training. There's nothing wrong
with your swords or your bows. But the enemy has
them, too. It's difficult to be a warrior. It's not easy
to kill. You have to make yourself hard. I want every
fighter to find his own rock and study it. You have
weapons for your hands, already. Make a rock your
weapon within. Because a rock has no mind or
heart or hope or fear. And if you're to succeed in
battle, you must rid yourselves of all of that and be hard.
NEVUS
If we have to be hard like rocks to win our city back,
then we'll be rocks. You'll see. Won't we?!
EXTRAS
Yeah!
NEVUS
Won't we?! All right!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The people know that you're behind us. It means
everything to them, Hercules. Thank you.
HERCULES
They still have to fight. They just don't get the idea
of combat. You know, they think too much. They've
memorized how to shoot an arrow. But if you
memorized how to walk, you'd never get across
a room.
DEIANEIRA
Why don't you ever look at me?
HERCULES
Huh?
DEIANEIRA
Soon I may be dead and you never look at me.
I've changed. Can you see it?
HERCULES
Deianeira, beauty's not important. I mean it's your
spirit everybody likes.
DEIANEIRA
You don't think I'm beautiful?
HERCULES
Well, sure, but that's not what I mean.
DEIANEIRA
Would you ever want to kiss me?
HERCULES
I don't think so.
How about now?
HERCULES
I don't think so.
DEIANEIRA
Now?
No.
Deianeira, wait! I think you're a born leader. I mean,
you're doing a great job.
DEIANEIRA
Don't make it worse, Hercules.
Quit following me everywhere I go!
I'm not.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's a great city, isn't it?
HERCULES
Yes, it is.
ZEUS
And you plan to attack it. I don't think it's a good
idea. Hera likes the blue cult.
HERCULES
Yeah, she would.
ZEUS
Can't talk you out of it?
HERCULES
No. Troy belongs to these people, not Hera. Why
don't you join us? We'd be side-by-side for once,
fighting for a good cause.
ZEUS
I haven't been in a real war for...years.
HERCULES
Still got it in you?
ZEUS
What a question.
Of course, I have, son!
Did you see that?! That means that Zeus, himself,
is on our side!
That's a nice shot. But are you gonna help us or not?
I've got things to do.
I'll lead them myself. We'll fight our way in and
keep fighting.
DEIANEIRA
No. If-
HERCULES
Good, you're together. We attack at dawn.
TELAMON
Dawn? Why don't we attack tonight?
HERCULES
Because we attack at dawn.
DEIANEIRA
The truth is I didn't think we could do it before. I
thought I'd just be leading our people to certain
death. But with the thunderbolt, I know we'll win,
because the gods are on our side.
HERCULES
There's not gonna be any more thunderbolts.
DEIANEIRA
But I saw it. Zeus is your father. He'll help us.
HERCULES
Forget about Zeus. Dawn's in a few hours. And
the fighting will be bloody, so you better be prepared.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I must do something, or they'll all be killed. Priest,
where are you? I can't let this happen.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Come to me, Deianeira. Fulfill your true destiny.
Hera will open her arms to you.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Deianeira, it's dawn. Time to go.
She's not here.
TELAMON
What are you doin' here? Where's Deianeira?
HERCULES
I thought she was with you.
TELAMON
That was hours ago.
Waylin, have you seen Deianeira?
WAYLIN
She passed me in the middle of the night. I thought
she came back to her hut. I saw her go into the
woods toward the city.
NEVUS
Hercules, she must have gone. And, by the gods,
she's--she's gone alone.
HERCULES
All right, you stay here. I'm going after her myself.
TELAMON
So am I.
WAYLIN
I'm going as well.
NEVUS
Me, too! Who's game for the attack?!
Let's get Deianeira! And take the city back!
HERCULES
No. No! There'll be no attack! I'm going alone!
TELAMON
I'm going, and you can't stop me.
MOTHERLY FIGHTER
But you'll both be killed. There must be another way.
TELAMON
I refuse to take the coward's way.
HERCULES
I'm going, not you. Telamon, just so you know, I
don't need you to tell me how there's a hero's way
and a coward's way
NEVUS
"Coward's way," you're right. The cowherd's way!
Why--why didn't I think of it?!
HERCULES
What, now you?
NEVUS
Oh, no, not "coward's way," cowherd's way. I remember,
before we left the city, the men who herded the
cows didn't like to use the main gate, took too
long to get downs to the pasture. They had a
shortcut, a tunnel.
EXTRA
That's right!
NEVUS
It got 'em to the pasture quicker. We called it the
cowherd's way.
TELAMON
You mean there's a tunnel to the city.
NEVUS
Yeah.
HERCULES
Where, exactly, is this cowherd's way?
NEVUS
Why, it's down in the brush. It's all grown over.
Nobody's used it for years.
HERCULES
Show me.
NEVUS
Yeah, come on.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here it is.
Let's go in Hercules.
HERCULES
Remember your training now. Stay alert.
Shh.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shh, quiet.
There's nobody here. Well, what happened? It's
a little run down for a big city. It's too quiet. I don't
like it so quiet. I like it better when people are talking.
HERCULES
(whispering) Waylin.
WAYLIN
(whispering) Yes, Master.
HERCULES
(to all) Stay here. I'm going alone.
TELAMON
We came to fight.
HERCULES
Look around you. The doors were open. There's
nothing to see. You can't fight what you can't see.
You're in charge now, Telamon. Keep them here.
Hercules worries too much. There's nobody here.
I mean, if there were somebody here, they'd come
out, wouldn't they? Otherwise, what's to stop us
from coming in?
(shouting) I'm Telamon, warrior of Troy! Are these
empty walls my only challenge?!
Deianeira!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Telamon! No!
Get up, Telamon! Don't quit!
NEVUS
Waylin, are you crazy?! Telamon's dead! We'll all
be dead without Hercules!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
HERCULES
Deianeira!
DEIANEIRA
Go away, Hercules! You'll spoil everything!
Deianeira, come to me.
We don't need Hercules. I've got Hercules in here.
Come on, fish face. I'm not afraid of you.
Don't be afraid! If ya stand up to them, they don't exist!
Wait, I wanna make sure. If I go through with this,
my people won't be killed. And they'll get their city
back, right?
BLUE PRIEST
You were always meant to die for Hera. It's what
you were born for.
DEIANEIRA
But my people-
Look, Hera is coming for you. She's all around
us. Feel her power.
This is your destiny. Embrace it.
DEIANEIRA
But, I--I thought-
BLUE PRIEST
It doesn't matter what you thought.
You know? I'm getting tired of this.
BLUE PRIEST
She belongs to Hera. It is her destiny.
HERCULES
I don't think so.
BLUE PRIEST
We'll see.
No more labours for you, Hercules.
I didn't think it would be this easy.
DEIANEIRA
No! Stop! If you want me to sacrifice myself to
Hera, I will!
BLUE PRIEST
Good. First I'll kill him and then I'll kill you.
Hera! I offer you this small life. May it give you pleasure.
Guess it wasn't so easy after all, was it?
Why did you come here?! What did you think you
were doing?!
DEIANEIRA
I thought it was the only way I could save my people.
He said it was my destiny.
HERCULES
You followed your destiny and you found it. But it
wasn't to sacrifice yourself. It was to follow in your
father's footsteps and lead your people.
DEIANEIRA
Will you rule them with me?
HERCULES
You don't need me.
Son, this isn't what's supposed to happen.
HERCULES
What are you talkin' about?
ZEUS
I can justify your saving the city but Hera wants
the girl.
HERCULES
Why does she get the girl?
ZEUS
Oh you expect me to explain Hera? Hera's a goddess!
Hercules! Help me! Hercules!
(yelling) Hera! You don't control our destiny! We
find it for ourselves!
Hercules! No! He's gone.
ZEUS
She won't hurt him. She doesn't dare.
DEIANEIRA
But I love him.
ZEUS
So do I. But his work is done here and he has to
move on.
DEIANEIRA
I'll never forget Hercules.
ZEUS
Don't forget what he told you about the gods. They
are jealous and petty. Now, listen, you must
follow your own destiny.
DEIANEIRA
You are his father, aren't you?
ZEUS
You see the resemblance?
No, no, no, no. He--he looks like his mother. She's
only mortal, but she's exquisite. Well, I have to go,
and you've got things to do.
You're alive. Hercules saved you when I couldn't.
DEIANEIRA
You're hurt.
TELAMON
It's nothing. The people are waiting for you. The
city is truly ours once more.
We're home, Deineira. Thank you.
DEIANEIRA
You were very brave.
NEVUS
Deianeira, did you see us fight? We were superb.
Your father would have been proud.
DEIANEIRA
Yes, he would have.
WAYLIN
Princess, I know Hercules ordered us not to attack
but after Telamon got wounded, I ordered myself
to attack. And being a good slave, I obeyed without
hesitation. I think I showed them-
DEIANEIRA
Waylin, you're free. And now you can work for the
cause of Troy. I appoint you Minister of Defense.
WAYLIN
Minister of Defense. I like the sound of that.
EXTRA
We must build him a shrine!
EXTRA
Yes, a shrine for Hercules!
DEIANEIRA
No shrines. He wouldn't want that. Hercules' labour
is done here. I know that wherever he is, he would
want us to look to ourselves now, to believe in
ourselves and always to remember him.
Long live Queen Deianeira!
Hercules! Hercules! Well, they said you came
this way. You've got to help us. There's a monster,
a fire-breather!
HERCULES
A fire-breather?
OLD MAN
A fire...yeah, and--and we've sacrificed everything
we have!
HERCULES
Sacrifices don't work. All right, lead me to him.
I'll see what I can do.
END OF ACT THREE
STARRING
Kevin Sorbo as Hercules
Anthony Quinn as Zeus
Renee O'Connor as Deianeira
Robert Trebor as Waylin
Eric Close as Telamon
Elizabeth Hawthorne as Queen Omphale
Nathaniel Lee as Blue Priest
GUEST CAST - In Order of Appearance
Jay Saussey as Village Girl
John Sumner as Inn Owner
Lee-Jane Foreman as Villager #2
Onno Boelee as Gargan the Giant
Chic Littlewood as Gambling Villager
Alex Beasley as Marathon Messenger #1
Te Whatanui Skipwith as Chief Elder
Darniel Warren as Strongman Brother
Darren Warren as Strongman Brother
Francis Bell as Auctioneer
Peter Rowley as Auctioneer's Sidekick
Brenda Kendall as Janus the Bartender
Todd Tippan as Malus the Hood
Barry Hill as King Ilus
Gilbert Goldie as Nevus
Patrick Wilson as Chief Monk
Maggie Tarver as Motherly Fighter
Gegory Boyle as Old Man
Written by: Christian Williams
Directed by: Harley Cokeliss
