Beware Greeks Bearing Gifts
This transcript is dedicated to the memory of Galyn Görg.
We must protect Helen!
EXTRA
Save the queen!
EXTRA
Helen!
EXTRA
Helen!
EXTRA
Helen!
Nightmare again?
HELEN
It's so real, Paris.
PARIS
Shhh. I told you, there's nothing to worry about.
Menelaus and his army are exhausted. Victory
for Troy is at hand.
HELEN
I wish I could believe that.
PARIS
Get some rest. These nightmares rob you of
your beauty, and after all, isn't that what I've been
fighting for?
Miltiades.
MILTIADES
Is everything all right, your Highness?
HELEN
I need you to deliver a message for me. Have
you heard of Xena?
MILTIADES
Yes.
HELEN
Take this to her.
Yes, Highness.
Half an apple. That's it?
GABRIELLE
I should have picked up some more supplies
when we came down Mount Poulis. But don't
worry. We're not far from Troy. We can just stop
there, and-
XENA
No, we're not stopping in Troy, Gabrielle. It's too
dangerous. And besides, after fighting the Greeks
for ten years, I doubt that Trojans have any food
to spare.
GABRIELLE
It was just a thought. I mean, the only chance I
get to see Helen, the face that launched a
thousand ships.
XENA
A thousand war ships. Forget it.
GABRIELLE
Okay. I don't need food if you don't.
Hmm!
Let me pass!
GABRIELLE
What is that?
Get her!
We've got her now!
Come on. Come on. Hurry!
Is he all right?
MILTIADES
Are you Xena?
XENA
Yes. Do I know you?
MILTIADES
I'm Miltiades.
Queen Helen sent me to deliver a message to you.
XENA
Is she all right?
MILTIADES
Yes, but she wants you to come to Troy.
GABRIELLE
You know Helen?
XENA
We met a long time ago in Sparta, before the war.
MILTIADES
Please, promise you'll go. The lives of thousands
of soldiers depend on you.
XENA
I will.
MILTIADES
Good. Be sure no one knows why you're there.
XENA
All right.
I--Is...
XENA
Yes. We'll give him a proper burial, and then
we'll go.
GABRIELLE
To Troy?
XENA
To Troy.
END OF TEASER
ACT ONE
It's Troy.
GABRIELLE
Oh. Okay, let me get this straight. To get inside
Troy, not only do we have to get past that huge
stone wall but we have to do it in front of the
Greek army?
XENA
Shh! Keep your voice down, Gabrielle.
GABRIELLE
Right. But you do have a plan?
XENA
Count on it. Are your boots laced?
Come on!
GABRIELLE
Ah-h!
XENA
Follow my lead! Come on! Stay close, Gabrielle!
EXTRA
Do it!
XENA
Come on, Gabrielle!
Gabrielle?
TROJAN SOLDIER #1
Perdicas? Are you all right?
PERDICAS
Open the gates! Open the gates!
TROJAN SOLDIER #1
Open the gates? Are you crazy?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Run, Gabrielle! Run! I'll cover you.
GABRIELLE
I'm right behind you!
XENA
Come on!
EXTRA
Charge the gates!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Help me get the gates. Open the gates! Come
on, hurry! Hurry!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Get inside! (to Xena) Go in there!
XENA
You first!
Archers!
Close the gates!
Thanks for your help.
GABRIELLE
We should introduce ourselves. My name is Gabrie-
PERDICAS
I know who you are.
Perdicas?
PERDICAS
Gabrielle.
XENA
You two know one another.
GABRIELLE
This is Perdicas, from my home town. We were
to be married.
XENA
I thought you were a farmer.
PERDICAS
I was, but not anymore. (to soldier) Shore up
those gates.
EXTRA
Yes, sir.
PERDICAS
(to Xena and Gabrielle) Follow me.
EXTRA
Shore up the gates!
PERDICAS
Welcome to Troy.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
We need more food here!
KING MENELAUS
Well, this plan of yours had better work. The
morale of my troops dwindles with each passing
day. If Troy doesn't fall soon, I may never see
Helen again.
GREEK SOLDIER
King Menelaus. Forgive me, your Highness. I
didn't mean to intrude.
KING MENELAUS
What is it?
GREEK SOLDIER
A report from the front. The Warrior Princess,
Xena has fought through our lines and into Troy.
KING MENELAUS
Xena? Leave us. (to hooded figure) Well, I trust
you can take care of this little unforeseen problem.
We don't need a wolf among our sheep now,
do we?
PERDICAS (voice-over)
So-
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-what brings you to Troy?
XENA
The war.
PERDICAS
You're here to fight?
XENA
If I'm needed.
PERDICAS
With your fighting skills, I'm sure you'll be welcome
by Commander Deophobus.
XENA
Who's she?
PERDICAS
He's the head of Troy's security forces and
Paris' brother.
XENA
Well, first, I have to see Helen and Paris.
PERDICAS
Why?
XENA
I've got to meet who I'm fighting for.
PERDICAS
I'm sorry, no one sees them without permission.
It's against regulations.
XENA
Well, that's never bothered me before. Don't
worry, if anyone asks, I'll say you tried to stop me.
(to Gabrielle) Wait here. I'm sure you two have
plenty to talk about.
GABRIELLE
I-
Good to see you.
PERDICAS
Yeah.
TROJAN GUARD
Perdicas, the Greeks are on the move!
PERDICAS
Call out the second detail! I want them on the
south battlement!
TROJAN GUARD
Yes, sir!
PERDICAS
(to Gabrielle) Find someplace safe. I have to go.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quickly!
DEOPHOBUS
I understand, you opened the gates for the Greek
warrior woman!
PERDICAS
Yes, Commander, but she--she battled an entire
platoon of her own countrymen. I--I thought we
could possibly utilize her fighting skills.
DEOPHOBUS
Perhaps, but where do I find her, now?
PERDICAS
I advised that she report to you, sir.
DEOPHOBUS
Then, why haven't I seen her?!
PERDICAS
I tried to stop her, but she insisted on seeing
Paris and Helen first.
DEOPHOBUS
If anything happens to them, I will hold you responsible.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
You sent for me?
Xena. I was worried you wouldn't come.
XENA
Well, we've had our differences in the past, but,
you're still a friend.
HELEN
Thank you. Where's Miltiades?
XENA Dead. I fought off his attackers, but not in time
to save his life. I'm sorry. I know you wouldn't
have sent him into danger without a good reason.
HELEN
You're right. I see terrible things in my dreams,
Xena. I want you to take me to Menelaus.
XENA
Why would you want to go back to the man you
were forced to marry?
HELEN
It's the only way the Greeks will withdraw and
the fighting will stop.
XENA
You're wrong. Paris and his army will carve a
bloody path to the sea chasing after you. You're
better off staying in Troy. At least Paris loves you.
Wait! Xena, please. After ten years of war, Troy
has become a city of misery and death. Paris
may have loved me once, but now he is consumed
with victory. We're barely more than strangers.
I just want the war to end.
There she is!
HELEN
What is the meaning of this, Deophobus? How
dare you enter my chamber?
DEOPHOBUS
My apologies, but you're safety's my first concern.
XENA
Then you'd better tighten security. I've got to tell
you, for a city under attack, it was pretty easy to
get in here.
DEOPHOBUS
What do you want?
XENA
To meet with Helen. I don't fight for people I
don't know.
DEOPHOBUS
A Greek warrior wants to fight for Troy. Do you
take me for a fool?
HELEN
She's telling the truth. If you don't believe her,
let Paris decide.
DEOPHOBUS
By all means, my guards will escort you to the temple.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ahhh.
GABRIELLE
It's been a long time.
PERDICAS
Yeah, last time I saw you, you were sprintin'
out of town.
GABRIELLE
Right. I'm sorry. I...that I left without saying
good-bye. It was wrong.
PERDICAS
That's all right. I'm not angry anymore.
GABRIELLE
What are you doing in Troy?
PERDICAS
I had heard stories about Helen and Paris. I--I
wanted to be in a place where people were
fighting for love.
GABRIELLE
I'm the one who told you those stores. That's
all they were. Stories. You're not a soldier,
Perdicas. You don't belong here.
PERDICAS
No, no. For the first time in my life, I feel I really
do belong.
GABRIELLE
Go home, before something happens to you.
PERDICAS
I'm sorry, Gabrielle, but you can't tell me what
to do anymore.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
She claims she wants to fight for Troy.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you want me.
DEOPHOBUS
I don't trust her. She's Greek, an outsider.
XENA
I never lifted a sword for Greece.
DEOPHOBUS
It makes no difference.
PARIS
Look, she fought bravely to get into Troy. I don't
see any reason to doubt her.
Deophobus.
DEOPHOBUS
Anteus?
ACT TWO
Xena. What are you doing?
XENA
I saw this coward kill a loyal Trojan outside the
city. That cut on his face was made by my sword.
He's dead.
DEOPHOBUS
Good. This man was obviously a traitor.
PARIS
He was a member of your personal guard,
Deophobus.
DEOPHOBUS
I know and I assure you, there'll be a thorough
investigation of all my men.
XENA
Good idea. Traitors rarely act alone. It's a
shame this one won't be talking.
DEOPHOBUS
He was but a few paces from you and Helen.
I--I had no choice but to kill him.
PARIS
What's done is done. Xena, you've proven yourself
an ally of Troy. You're welcome to stay as our
guest. (to Deophobus) Treat her accordingly.
DEOPHOBUS
As you wish.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Apple? Get your apples. Apple? Would you like
one? Apple?
GABRIELLE
It's me, isn't it? That's why you're doing this.
PERDICAS
You have nothing to feel guilty about. I'm here
because I wanna be.
GABRIELLE
You forget who you're talking to. Remember the
time that you almost drowned trying to save my
hat when it fell in the river? Or the time that you
almost got trampled trying to give me a carriage ride?
PERDICAS
Well, those days are over. I'm not a love-sick
kid anymore.
GABRIELLE
What if something happens to you? What am I
supposed to do then?
PERDICAS
Write a story about me.
TROJAN GUARD
Archers! Archers!
Get down!
PERDICAS
Take cover.
EXTRA
Head for your stations!
Perdicas!
PERDICAS
Give me a bow! This is for my friend!
You've taken good care of Gabrielle. I wanted to
thank you for that.
XENA
There's no need. She's like family. Tell me
about Deophobus.
PERDICAS
Well, he may not be the nicest guy in town, but he's
a good warrior. No one has killed more enemies.
XENA
What about friends?
PERDICAS
What do you mean?
GABRIELLE
Xena?
XENA
Nothing. It's just a hunch.
PERDICAS
I better be getting back.
If you're worried about Perdicas, don't. He's a
good soldier. He'll be all right.
GABRIELLE
I hope so. Huh. So, did you find out Helen's plan
to end the war?
XENA
She wants me to take her back to Menelaus.
GABRIELLE
You're kidding! Are you gonna do it?
XENA
No. It won't solve anything. But I do think she's
in danger here.
GABRIELLE
How come?
XENA
There's something going on in Troy. I don't know
what it is, but I can feel it. I'd feel a lot better
if you stayed here with Perdicas. I know he'll
take care of you. I've got something to do. Keep
your eyes open.
Yes, sir, I'll be right there.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you think you're doing?
HELEN
The only thing I can. I'm going to Menelaus, with
or without your help.
XENA
That's not the answer.
HELEN
Then, what is? Every day another soldier dies
for my happiness. I can't live with it anymore!
XENA
Then don't. The war stopped being about your
happiness a long time ago, Helen. We both
know Paris doesn't love you. And Menelaus
barely knows you. The war will go on without
you, Helen. Let it.
HELEN
But, where would I go? What would I do?
XENA
What do you want to do?
HELEN
I don't know. No one's ever asked me that before.
EXTRA
Deophobus.
HELEN
Where's Deophobus going?
Wait here.
Do you see anything?
EXTRA
All clear here!
EXTRA
Up on the north wall.
Long live Greece!
EXTRA
Greece!
They don't suspect a thing.
KING MENELAUS
Excellent work, Deophobus.
Take the next watch.
EXTRA
Yes, sir.
EXTRA
Get ready.
EXTRA
More fire water here.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I followed Deophobus to the Greek camp, where
I saw him plotting with King Menelaus.
DEOPHOBUS
She's right. I did meet with Menelaus. But I was
there to convince him that he'll never win this
war. I was there to make peace.
HELEN
You mean-
DEOPHOBUS
Yes. At long last, King Menelaus has
decided to give up.
HELEN
Thank the gods!
XENA
What I saw was no council of peace. Your brother
is a traitor.
I have reports from every platoon. The Greek
army has pulled out, and they've left a gift of
peace at the gates.
Beware Greeks bearing gifts, Paris.
DEOPHOBUS
Too little, too late, Xena. Your people have
surrendered.
XENA
Can't you see what's going on?
DEOPHOBUS
Don't listen to her! She can't be trusted. Ask
yourself this, "What was Xena doing near the
Greek camp?" You've won the war, my brother.
You're right about Xena. I can't take any chances.
HELEN
No, you can't do this.
PARIS
Things are a little more complicated than they
seem, my dear. Why don't you find yourself
something pretty to wear to the celebration.
(to soldiers) Get her!
Move!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Let's get it inside!
Heave! Heave! Heave! Heave! Heave! Heave!
Heave! Heave! Heave! Heave!
Break out the wine!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Get in there!
To the victory of Troy!
END OF ACT TWO
ACT THREE
Good morning! Too bad you're missing all the
fun, Xena. There's been quite a celebration.
XENA
Don't even bother, Deophobus. You might fool
the others...
I have no idea what you're talking about.
XENA
We both know that horse is a trick. But what I
can't figure out, is what a scum-sucking
opportunist like you would want Helen back with
Menelaus for?
What do you get out of it?
DEIPHOBUS
(to other prisoners) Have you met the new prisoner?
This is Xena, the Greek warrior who betrayed
you by helping the people of Troy.
Why a sad face?
HELEN
I don't feel much like celebrating.
PARIS
Don't be silly. We finally defeated Menelaus
and his army. You should be overjoyed. Still
angry about Xena? I've told you, she's in the
dungeon because that's where she belongs.
HELEN
But, she's done nothing wrong. If you really love
me, you'll trust my judgment.
PARIS
I'm tired of this. I didn't fight ten long years to
listen to your judgment. Get dressed. We
have a celebration to attend.
Huh?
Thanks, fellas!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
That was some party. I wonder what happened
to Xena. It's not like her to be gone so long.
PERDICAS
She's probably up at the palace. I'm sure that
Helen and Paris are throwing the biggest party
of all.
I don't know. She's not much for parties.
PERDICAS
Well, I wouldn't worry. I'm sure that she can more
than take care of herself.
GABRIELLE
Troy's not like back home, is it?
PERDICAS
Do you remember the time that we got caught
stealing corn from Hylus' farm, and he threatened
to tell your father?
GABRIELLE
But then you took the blame so I wouldn't be
punished. Did I ever thank you for that?
PERDICAS
No.
GABRIELLE
Thank you. Did you ever think, when we were
kids, that we'd find each other again, here, in
the middle of Troy?
PERDICAS
No, but I'm sure glad that we did.
Open the gates!
EXTRA
Hurry!
EXTRA
Open the gates!
EXTRA
Open them!
Find Helen, and bring her to me!
It's begun. Menelaus is looking for Helen. It's
your job to find her first.
TROJAN SOLDIER #2
What about Paris?
DEOPHOBUS
Leave my brother to me.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
(to Gabrielle) Round up as many people as you
can. Meet me at the temple of Aphrodite.
PERDICAS
Where are you going?
XENA
To get Helen.
Let's go.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hurry! In here!
PARIS
I don't know. Just find the rest of your men,
retreat to the south battlement and form a new
line of defense.
EXTRA
Yes, Paris.
PARIS
Go! Perdicas. How did this happen?
PERDICAS
The surrender was a trick. The Greeks have
broken through the main gates. Come with us
to the temple. Come on! Close the gates.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's Helen!
EXTRA
Take her!
HELEN
What are you doing? Take me to Paris.
TROJAN SOLDIER #2
Sorry, we've got other orders.
Come on, let's go!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Down here! Down here!
PERDICAS
That's everyone. Secure the doors.
PARIS
Xena, I misjudged you.
Everything proceeds according to schedule.
KING MENELAUS
Good. Have you found Helen yet?
GREEK SCOUT
Helen and the others are in the temple. They've
barricaded the doors.
KING MENELAUS
Well, what are you waiting for?! Break it down!
GREEK SCOUT
We're trying.
KING MENELAUS
Bring Helen to me! Torch the city and everything
in it! And remove the horse! I want it as a memento
of my conquest! Burn the city! Burn Troy to the ground!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Let me out. Menelaus will stop this madness
once I surrender.
XENA
I can't let you do that.
HELEN
It's me they want.
XENA
Maybe there's another way. Show me where the
supply room is.
HELEN
I don't see how-
XENA
Show me.
HELEN
This way.
Looks like the entire Greek army's out there. It
doesn't look good.
| GABRIELLE | PERDICAS |
| Perdicas. | Gabrielle. |
Y--You-
GABRIELLE
This may be the last chance I get to tell you this.
I am, I'm really sorry. I know that I treated you badly-
PERDICAS
And I let you. It was just as much my fault,
Gabrielle. If only we could've been honest with
each other.
GABRIELLE
I can't be more honest than this?
This room was built to store foods and supplies
in case the Greeks ever invaded. I never thought
we'd use it.
XENA
No, this'll do just fine.
It's all right. I'd like to speak to him for a moment.
XENA
Don't be too long.
PARIS
I'm sorry.
XENA
You don't owe me an apology.
I don't know how all this happened. I just wanted
to love you.
HELEN
No, you wanted to own me. If we survive, I'm not
gonna stay with you. I want my own life.
Deophobus. The Greeks deceived you.
DEOPHOBUS
It wasn't me who was deceived. There's only
one man worthy of Helen.
Me.
HELEN
No!
Why?!
DEOPHOBUS
Because now, you're mine.
Xena!
END OF ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
We're almost there!
XENA
Everything all right?
PERDICAS
Do you think we have enough of this stuff?
XENA
Trust me, we'll have the biggest smoke screen
you have ever seen.
GABRIELLE
Where's--where's Paris and Helen?
XENA
In the supply room.
GABRIELLE
I'll get 'em.
It's giving way! Keep pushing, men!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gabrielle, hurry!
GABRIELLE
Xena?! Paris is dead.
XENA
What? Where's Helen?
GABRIELLE
She's gone.
PERDICAS
Menelaus has taken her.
XENA
No. No, he would've called off his army.
GABRIELLE
Then who?
XENA
Deophobus.
PERDICAS
Deophobus? But why?
XENA
No time to find out now. (to all) We'll leave the
same way Deophobus came in! Go! Go! Go!
Go! Run! Run!
Xena!
Where'd they go?!
EXTRA
I can't see!
EXTRA
Find Helen!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, where is she? Where's Helen?
GREEK SCOUT
I'm sorry. We've checked every corner of the
temple. There's no one.
KING MENELAUS
You fool!
You've let them get away! Shut the gates! No
one leaves the city!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
As Menelaus ordered, remove the horse!
GREEK SOLDIER
I thought this thing would be a lot lighter with
nobody in it.
Thanks for the lift.
Get everyone away from the horse. I'll meet
you on the next road.
GABRIELLE
Where are you going?
XENA
To get Helen. (to soldiers) Run for your
miserable lives.
What do you want from me?!
DEOPHOBUS
What does every man want from Helen of Troy?
HELEN
Don't you realize what you've done?! You've killed
your own brother! And ruined Troy! And for what?
A woman who will only despise you!
DEOPHOBUS
No matter. With you at my side, we'll build a new
city, give birth to a new race of Trojans. With my
strength and your beauty, our children will rule
the world.
Leaving so soon?
DEOPHOBUS
Xena, keep away from us.
What now?
XENA
We leave him here. When Menelaus comes
out of Troy empty-handed, I want Deophobus
to be the first thing he sees.
Very nice. Come on.
Listen, Gabrielle. I know things got pretty crazy
in there. And, maybe you said some things
that--that you didn't really mean. I just want you
to know that I don't expect anything from you. As
far as I'm concerned, we can go our separate ways.
GABRIELLE
Right. Ha-huh! That's exactly what I was thinking.
PERDICAS
Great.
GABRIELLE
Good, good.
PERDICAS
I know that we'll see each other again, some day.
You take care of yourself.
GABRIELLE
You too.
Thank you for everything. I just wish we could
have saved Troy.
XENA
When two kings are bent on destruction, there's
nothing much anyone can do.
HELEN
You've done a lot for me, Xena. You showed me
the only person that can make me happy is me.
I appreciate that.
XENA
You're welcome. What's next for you?
HELEN
I don't know. But for the first time it's my decision.
XENA
I know you'll make it the right one.
Good-bye, Xena.
Perdicas, where you headed?
PERDICAS
A new city. A few days' journey from here. But
who knows?
HELEN
It sounds wonderful. Do you mind if I travel with
you for a while?
PERDICAS
Not at all. I'll send a messenger ahead to
announce your arrival so the leaders can-
HELEN
If it's all the same to you, I think I'd rather be
treated like a normal person for a change.
XENA
You take care.
HELEN
You know I will.
Shall we?
HELEN
Okay.
I thought Perdicas would be joining us for a while.
GABRIELLE
No, I think he's made other plans.
XENA
Oh.
GABRIELLE
Do you want to go back for the horse? It's bound
to be a collectors' item?
XENA
Only if you're gonna pull it.
GABRIELLE
Nah.
END OF ACT FOUR
STARRING
Lucy Lawless as Xena
Renee O'Connor as Gabrielle
GUEST CAST
Galyn Görg as Helen
Scott Garrison as Perdicas
Cameron Rhodes as Deophobus
Warren Carl as Pariu
Ken Blackburn as King Menelaus
Adrian Keeling as Miltiades
Aidan MacBride Stewart as Greek Soldier
John Manning as Greek Scout
Matthew Jeffs as Trojan Soldier #1
Peter Ford as Trojan Soldier #2
Geoffrey Knight as Trojan Guard
Teleplay by: Adam Armus and Nora Kay Foster
Story by: Roy Thomas and Janis Hendler
Directed by: T.J. Scott
Disclaimer: No oversized Polynesian-Style Bamboo Horses were harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, many wicker lawn chairs gave their lives.
