A Solstice Carol
On the charge of evading your taxes, I find you both
guilty! And I sentence you to ten years hard labour.
If you won't pay what you owe, then, by Hades,
you'll work it off! As to the charge of celebrating
the Winter Solstice, I find you guilty of singing
carols and decorating a tree. Twelve more months!
Take 'em away.
BEARDED GUARD
Yes, sire. You heard King Silvus. Remove the prisoners.
GUARD #1
Ahh, to the poor house with you, move it.
But we're too old to live in a poorhouse.
GUARD #1
Then you'll die there.
KING SILVUS
Senticles.
SENTICLES
Yes, your Majesty.
KING SILVUS
Have you prepared the eviction lists for today?
SENTICLES
Today? But, sire, today is, Sol-
KING SILVUS
Yes?
SENTICLES
Today is so...late. So late. Looks nearly dark.
KING SILVUS
Then I suggest you hurry. Unless you want to add
your name to that parchment! Court adjourned!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now, no spying. And if one of us sees the other
shopping in a stall, then she turns and walks
the other way, agreed?
XENA
Yeah.
GABRIELLE
No peeking into other peoples' bags, too. I mean,
being surprised is half the fun, right?
XENA
Right.
GABRIELLE
Ah, nothing can cost more than five dinars.
XENA
Then why don't I just give you five dinars, and
you can buy something that you really like?
Because, then it wouldn't be a gift.
Hey! What was that about?
XENA
He stole my chakram. I'll meet you out back.
Pardon me.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Coming through!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Right now, all we need is a Solstice pudding.
ORPHAN #3
And a goose. Don't forget the goose.
ORPHAN #1
Lynal, can you get us a goose, too?
LYNAL
One goose?
We'll need more than that.
ORPHAN #1
The round thing looks like the king's crest.
LYNAL
In honour of his cold heart.
XENA
Nice tree.
It's all right, it's all right. May I help you?
XENA
Yes. That's mine.
MELANA
Lynal.
LYNAL
I just borrowed it for the tree. I was gonna give
it back.
GABRIELLE
Funny how the ribbons bring out its shine.
XENA
It's not an ornament.
LYNAL
Flashy thing like that? What else could it be?
EXTRAS
Yeah, what else?
Hear ye! Hear ye!
Children, children. Settle down.
SENTICLES
By order of King Silvus, be it known you have
until midnight tonight to pay taxes in the amount
of one thousand dinars or face eviction.
FIRST GUARD
No wait, look around. They're violating the prohibition.
I say, arrest them now!
Gabrielle!
I didn't know you did gift-wrapping.
XENA
What did he mean, "violating the prohibition"?
The children were just enjoying Solstice.
MELANA
Yes, but here, celebrating the winter solstice is
a crime and anyone who gets caught can expect
to pay a price.
END OF TEASER
ACT ONE
How could you work for a man who-
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-would put orphans on the street on Solstice Eve?
SENTICLES
I like to eat. When King Silvus outlawed toy-making,
I had to take whatever job I could.
GABRIELLE
You were a toymaker?
XENA
Nice try. Let's throw him in the cell with the guards.
GABRIELLE
No, wait, wait. Senticles. Senticles. Of course!
When I was a little girl, I had a toy made. It was
this wooden lamb whose mouth would open
when you pulled its tail. Oh, I loved that toy.
SENTICLES
I remember that one. You know, it took me two
days to figure out that mouth joint, and weeks to
carve his fleece. Oh yes, he was a real challenge.
XENA
So, now you work for the man that put you out of
business. King Silvus sounds like quite a guy.
SENTICLES
Well, he's always been a hard man. But the
Queen used to temper him. And one Solstice
Eve, about thirty years ago, Queen Inalia suddenly
died. He hasn't been the same since.
XENA
I understand his loss, but that's no excuse for
banning Winter Solstice.
MELANA
That's true. But as hard as his laws are on others,
I imagine the loneliness it must cause the king
to be even worse.
GABRIELLE
That reminds me of a story I heard once.
EXTRAS
A story?! A story! Please tell us!
GABRIELLE
Okay, okay, okay. Okay, sit down.
Well, once in a land far away, there was this rich,
but miserly man named Cresus. And his heart
was so hard, that his servants begged the gods
to intervene. They sent the Fates to separate the
strands of his life, so that he might see himself
more clearly. Unfortunately, Cresus didn't mend
his ways.
EXTRAS
What? Why not?
GABRIELLE
So the gods turned him into a spirit, doomed to
walk the Earth forever, as invisible to others as
they were to him in life.
EXTRA
I don't like this story.
GABRIELLE
Actually, I didn't like the end to that story, anyway.
And I bet we could change it.
EXTRA
Maybe.
GABRIELLE
(to Xena) If we tried?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Look, if we can change the king's mind without
changing his anatomy, think of the example it'll
be to the children.
XENA
Gabrielle, the eviction notice is set at midnight.
If we don't stop it, these kids are out on the street.
GABRIELLE
I know, but it will work.
XENA
And what if it doesn't?
GABRIELLE
We clobber him. Please, just try it my way, just
this once. In honour of the Solstice?
XENA
All right, if it means that much to you. But we're
going to need disguises and access to the castle.
Hi.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thirty-three. Thirty-four. Thirty-five. That's it.
XENA
You'll have to stretch it as far as you can. We need
everything on the list to make it work.
GABRIELLE
Trust me, Xena. If there's one thing I know, it's
how to bargain. You just worry about getting to
King Silvus, without cracking heads.
XENA
Deal's a deal.
Yo!
XENA
Right, Senticles?
SENTICLES
I'll take you to him all right. It's just that, well, how
do I know you're not an assassin?
XENA
Because if I was, he'd be dead already.
SENTICLES
Works for me.
XENA
Good. (to Gabrielle) You get everything we need,
and I'll meet you back at the orphanage.
You stubborn ass! You've been nothing but trouble
the entire time we've been together. Now, move!
Excuse me, sir. That's quite an animal you've
got there.
DONKEY OWNER
You want him? He's yours. Fifty dinars.
GABRIELLE
Fifty?
DONKEY OWNER
That's what the tannery'll give me for his hide.
GABRIELLE
You're taking him to be skinned? Look, how
'bout I do you a favour? I'll take him off your hands
for say, ah, twenty-five dinars?
DONKEY OWNER
Twenty-five? That's half of what he's worth at
the tannery.
GABRIELLE
Yeah, well you have to get him there first, right?
DONKEY OWNER
Hmm, forty-five.
GABRIELLE
Thirty. Not a dinar more. Let's face it. I've seen
healthier hides on a used couch. Nothing personal.
What do you say?
DONKEY OWNER
Thirty-five, and you got yourself a deal.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
You're a lucky man, Silvus. Now, surprise me,
and be smart, too. Wake up!
Ah-h! Who are you?! How did you get in here?!
What do you want?
XENA
My name's Xena. We need to talk.
KING SILVUS
Listen, anything you want. Take it. Jewels, money,
anything, take it, take it. Just have mercy on an
old man.
XENA
The same kind of mercy you showed that orphanage
you're closing?
KING SILVUS
Orphanage?
XENA
You signed the order yourself.
KING SILVUS
Maybe so. I issue so many, time's being what
they are.
XENA
And whose fault is that? Did you ever stop to
think that maybe if you eased up on your people
a little, let them celebrate Solstice perhaps, the
times might ease up, too?
KING SILVUS
Wait a minute. You're one of those Solstice lovers,
aren't ya? One of those rebels who thinks that
everything and everyone should stop once a year,
just to raise a glass, eat a goose, unwrap gifts!
Well, you know what I say to that?
XENA
Bet I can guess.
KING SILVUS
Guards! Guards! Quick!
EXTRA
Coming, Sire!
You petty tyrants. So predictable.
EXTRA
It's locked!
EXTRA
It can't be.
XENA
But heed my warning, Silvus. Change your ways
or suffer the consequences.
KING SILVUS
No!
EXTRA
Come out.
KING SILVUS
Inalia's gone for good and so's the Solstice.
EXTRA
Break it down!
XENA
This isn't over, Silvus. The truth is it's just begun.
Stop her!
ACT TWO
Inalia.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do. I'm afraid you
have to leave.
Tobias brays.
GABRIELLE
Look, I know it's not fair, especially on Solstice
Eve, but what can I do? Look, I know, I know, but
Melana said you can't stay inside. And the place
is hers. Until midnight. Look, I guess, I guess it's
bunking under the stars for you, my friend. Now,
let's go.
Come on, I'll stay with you, so you won't get lonely.
Come on.
Tobias, come on! You know, I'm beginning to
understand your former owner.
LYNAL
Come on, you rugrats, time to wash up.
Well, I'll be.
Just like Argo. I wonder what Xena will say to this.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nice work. You just saved someone years in
prison changing the sentence like that.
SENTICLES
It's nothing. I change a letter here, a number there,
hoping to do a little good. But believe me, it's nothing.
XENA
So's your part in my plan. It's nothing. All you have
to do is-
SENTICLES
No! I won't risk being arrested. I can't. I'd die
locked up in a cell, closed in like that. I couldn't
face going to prison.
What do you think would happen if the king found
out about these changes you made to his orders?
SENTICLES
Found out? But, surely, you wouldn't. You couldn't.
XENA
Of course, not. But the point is, if he did find out,
you'd be thrown in prison anyway. You're braver
than you give yourself credit for. So don't deny
your courage...or the children.
GABRIELLE (voice-over)
And from that day on-
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-we've honoured and celebrated it, as a time of
rebirth for our wishes and our dreams. The time
of coming together in joy and peace. It's the shortest
day of the year and the longest night. But on
this special night, a new light, a new chance is
born to us all. So, it's a time for miracles and
goodwill towards all living creatures.
That's why the Winter Solstice means so much
and touches us all so deeply.
ORPHAN #1
I have a Solstice wish.
EXTRA
Me too!
EXTRA
So do I!
GABRIELLE
Let's hear it.
ORPHAN #1
I wish we could have a big Solstice dinner, with
all the trimmings.
EXTRA
Me too.
EXTRA
Yeah.
ORPHAN #2
I wish we could each have a Solstice present
of our very own.
ORPHAN #3
I wish everyone in the world could be as happy
as we are right now.
MELANA
I think those are all fine wishes. Now, why don't
we go and gather our stockings and put them
by the fireplace? Come on, let's go.
You'd better hope this plan works. Otherwise,
I'll do whatever it takes to keep those kids from
getting hurt.
GABRIELLE
(to Senticles) She's a very physical person. (to Xena)
I completely agree with you. If the plan fails, we
punch faces. Until then, we do it peacefully, in the
spirit of Solstice.
Who's your friend?
GABRIELLE
Xena, meet Tobias. Now, isn't he sweet? And
he's trained just like Argo, you just whistle. He
cost me all of our money, but I couldn't let him go
to a tannery, not on Solstice eve.
XENA
It's all right. I got everything we need at the castle.
Now, all we have to do is figure out the details.
And then hope I can restrain myself long enough
to pull it off.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Silvus, wake up. Silvus, arise. Open you eyes.
Silvus, wake up!
Oh, what is this, the town square?! Who are you?
What do you want?!
XENA
Mankind calls me Clotho, first of the Fates, whose
province is the past.
KING SILVUS
Nonsense! You're nothing but a dream, probably
brought on by indigestion. A fatty piece of beef, a
bit of gristle. Get out and let me sleep!
Your commands have no sway over me. Rather,
I command you to arise, and walk by my side.
KING SILVUS
How do I know you're really a Fate? For all I
can tell, you could be a thief, or another of those
Solstice cracks.
XENA
Hmm, perhaps this will convince you that time
is mine to rule as I will. I am the Fate of the past.
KING SILVUS
Long past?
Your past, which I will show you, then you will turn-
-to the present with my sister.
And as for your future...
All right, I believe you. What now?
XENA
Come!
KING SILVUS
Where are we going?
XENA
To a place you have forgotten, though it haunts
your every thought.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Silvus. Silvus.
Dear husband.
KING SILVUS
Inalia?
Stop! Come no closer. I am but a shadow from
your past, sent to beg you. Turn from your narrow,
greedy ways, before it's too late.
KING SILVUS
Too late? Great Zeus.
XENA
Here, drink this.
Easy, big fella. Steady. Steady, big boy.
EXTRA
Hey, check this out.
Hey baby, how'd you like to spend a weekend in
Athens with us.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
ACT THREE
A warning, that our time is nearly up.
KING SILVUS
No, not yet.
Don't leave me, Inalia, please, not again.
GABRIELLE
I'm sorry, Silvus. You've grieved long enough. You
must forget my death on that Solstice Eve so long ago.
KING SILVUS
Death? What do you mean? You--you didn't die.
You--you--you walked out on me. I don't understand.
GABRIELLE
I was speaking metaphorically. We--we shadows
from the past tend to do that.
Yeah.
KING SILVUS
Met--metaphor. Wait, what's--what's going on here?
What's happening? Who--who are-
Is he all right?
XENA
Fine, but that sleeping herb I put in his wine won't
last long. We'd better get moving.
GABRIELLE
I thought Senticles said his wife was dead.
XENA
He also said he'd handle Tobias. We start phase
two. You get changed and see what happened.
I'll meet you back at the orphanage.
GABRIELLE
Okay.
XENA
Come on, King.
Senticles. Senticles. Where are you? Senticles.
Tobias. Good job, boy. Now where's Senticles?
What? Are you trying to tell me something?
Do you know where Senticles is?
Okay, let's find him. Smart donkey.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Silvus, wake up!
Am I to understand that you are-
Lachesis, second of the Fates. Here to show
your present. Now, arise and dress.
KING SILVUS
Put on these? But I'm the king. Why would I
wear something common as this?
XENA
Tonight, we go among your subjects, as anonymous
to them as they are to you. The better to show you
how your cruel laws and harsh judgments affect them.
KING SILVUS
To what point? In hopes I'll change my life?
XENA
In the hopes that you might change theirs. Unless
you'd like me to find a more...forceful way of
persuading you.
Uh-uh, you won't be needing that.
Hello. Senticles. Are you in there? Hello! It's me,
Gabrielle. Senticles?
What happened? You were supposed to stay with
Tobias. You know, Xena and I were nearly caught.
SENTICLES
So was I. Two guards came by. If I hadn't run, I
don't know what would have happened.
GABRIELLE
You ran away?
SENTICLES
Well, what else could I do? You didn't expect me
to stay there and get caught, did you?
GABRIELLE
No. No, but what about us? What about Tobias?
SENTICLES
You forget, I've seen your warrior friend in action.
I knew you'd be okay. As for the donkey, what are
they gonna do to a donkey? Whereas me, they could
lock in prison for the rest of my life. It's like I told
your friend, I can't do that. I can't. Shut up in a small
space. I'd die. Look, I'm sorry if I let you down but,
I warned you, I'm no hero. So, why don't you just
go, all right, just leave me alone! Go!
What is all this?
SENTICLES
It's nothing. I shouldn't have left them out.
GABRIELLE
Are you crazy? It's amazing. Look at all
these toys.
Her eyes open and close.
SENTICLES
Yes, well, that's because I use this little-
GABRIELLE
Oh, look at this.
This is exactly like the toy I had growing up.
Remember? I told you how much it meant to me.
Oh, all these toys. They'd mean so much to the
orphans too, don't you think? Every child could
have a toy of his very own.
That would be true, if they were legal, which they aren't.
Oh, don't worry about that. By the time we're done
with King Silvus, he'll be handing them out himself.
We could use this.
We could take the toys to the orphanage and hide
them. And, uh-uh, I'll have to disguise you, just
in case we do run into guards. We don't want them
to recognize you.
SENTICLES
No, I won't risk going to prison.
GABRIELLE
Look, you say you're afraid of small spaces. Well,
that's exactly how you live your whole life. In a small
space, afraid to stand up for yourself or anyone
else. Don't you see? What you're most afraid will
happen, has happened? The question is what
are you going to do about it?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know, I know it's--it's late. So, ah, slam the door
if you want to. Wouldn't surprise me a bit.
LYNAL
Slam the door? On Solstice eve? That's a good
one. Come in. How can I help you?
KING SILVUS
Well, we are, we're--we're-
XENA
Strangers.
KING SILVUS
Strangers, right. We're strangers. We've been, uh,
traveling all day and we--we-
LYNAL
Need a bit of food and drink? Well, we don't have
much. But, you're welcome to share what we've got.
KING SILVUS
Oh.
XENA
The charity of your king and country is legendary.
LYNAL
Our king? Charitable? You really are strangers here.
KING SILVUS
What's that supposed to mean?
LYNAL
Just that, King Silvus is the meanest, most
tight-fisted ruler this side of the Aegean.
KING SILVUS
Is that so?
LYNAL
Absolutely. You've heard of Midas, right? Greediest
man in the world, until Hercules helped him. Well,
our king makes him look like Lady Bountiful.
XENA
Surely, you exaggerate.
LYNAL
I wish! This is an orphanage. And, 'cause we
can't pay our taxes, King Silvus is kicking us out
of here at midnight. What kind of king does that to
kids on Solstice eve?
XENA
Good question.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Coast is clear.
SENTICLES
Let's go.
Come on, Tobias.
BEARDED GUARD
Remember the king's command. Any resistance,
we storm in full force.
Look, they're headed straight for the orphanage.
GABRIELLE
We have to warn Melana.
SENTICLES
How? They'll be guarding the doors.
GABRIELLE
Well, then, we'll find another way inside. Okay?
Come on.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
(singing) Stars tonight, oh sky's in sight,
On Solstice night, on Solstice night.
Chestnuts spark while hearth burns bright.
Solstice night is here.
Snow so white casts winter's light
On Solstice night, this quiet night.
Our song so light sends hope of light
This longest night of the year.
Time of wonder, time for cheer,
The greatest time of all.
Can't help it when the love we share
Shines bright in everyone.
Take me home. I've seen and heard enough.
XENA
Enough to stop their eviction? Enough to bring
back Winter Solstice?
KING SILVUS
Enough! I won't be lectured, especially when
it's all your fault.
XENA
My fault?
KING SILVUS
If you Fates hadn't separated Inalia and me I
might have been a different man, a better king.
But you did. You let her leave. She walked out on
me, just as I'm walking out on you, right now!
Happy Solstice!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Halt! You're under arrest, by order of the king.
KING SILVUS
Don't be absurd. I am the king.
BEARDED GUARD
Right and I'm the Queen of the Amazons. Seize them!
ACT FOUR
Hold it, boys. Where's your holiday...spirit?
BEARDED GUARD
What are you waiting for?! Arrest them!
Did you see that? They attacked me! Me, their king!
You and your friend better go.
I'm not going anywhere.
LYNAL
Xena! Thank the gods it's you! The guards in
the basement have escaped!
XENA
Believe me, Lynal, that is the least of our worries.
Attention, everyone in the building.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Either you come out voluntarily, or we're coming
in to get you. But, either way, you're gone!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Are you sure he'll be all right?
XENA
His pulse is strong. Once the shock wears off,
he should be fine.
MELANA
Dear gods, I hope so.
On second thought, maybe you should stay with
him, just in case anything develops.
MELANA
But, I can't. I mean, what about the children?
XENA
Lynal will look after them. Right?
LYNAL
Well, sure, but, who's gonna help you?
Go and see to the kids. The reinforcements have arrived.
SENTICLES
I did it! May the gods be praised! I did it! That
chimney is dark and cold as a grave. But I just
grabbed my sack of toys and ho-ho-ho! Down I
came! And, you know what? I liked it! I did, it was
fun! By Zeus, I'm gonna do that every Solstice
Eve! Just see if I don't.
GABRIELLE
That's great, Senticles, but we've got a problem,
here. Xena, there are a troop of guards outside.
XENA
I know.
I guess my plan didn't work, after all. So I guess
we have to slash and crash. But thanks for trying.
Ah-h. Back to business as usual, right?
All right, we gave 'em a chance. Now, in the name
of King Silvus, attack!
Let the games begin. Hah!
Stop them!
Ow!
EXTRA
Whoa!
EXTRA
Grab them!
EXTRA
Look out!
EXTRA
Stop them!
EXTRA
Yeah!
This way!
Come on!
GABRIELLE
Boys!
Come and get your Solstice present.
You wanna help me play with it?
Senticles!
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ah. The gods defend me. You're the third one, the
Fate of the future, am I right? Atropos, come to
show me--my, what is it? What is this place? Tell
me, why am I here? It's dark and cold as a...grave?
Is that it? Is this my tomb? And that--that noise
like souls crying out in pain. Is this my future?
No, no, don't leave me.
Just tell me, does it have to be? This place, my
death? Can it change if I change my life? Please.
(crying) I--I don't want to die alone. I've lived that
way for thirty years. I can change. I know I can.
No! I won't go with you, not yet. You'll see, I'll show
you. I'll prove to you, I'm not the man I was. I'm not!
This way! Around the back!
Great stocking stuffers.
Go ahead, make my day.
This way!
XENA
(to marionette) Thanks.
EXTRA
I got her.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nah.
Gabrielle, get me a sword.
This guy's driving me nuts!
Come on.
LYNAL
Load your weapons! Ready! Fire!
Yeah!
You call yourself soldiers? Getting beaten by
women and children?
EXTRA
Right, come on!
EXTRA
We'll make them pay.
You're pathetic!
Now, tighten your ranks! Look sharp! Come on.
EXTRA
I'm going to enjoy this.
BEARDED GUARD
Charge!
Yeah!
LYNAL
Yeah! Yeah!
KING SILVUS
Did you see them run?! Like rabbits?! Yes, sir!
Ha-ha! There'll be no evictions here! Not tonight!
Not ever!
Your Majesty, this is the woman who runs the orphanage.
Her name's-
KING SILVUS
Inalia.
MELANA
Yes.
KING SILVUS
Oh, my dearest wife. Can you ever forgive me
for closing my heart to you and to our people?
For wasting thirty precious years in bitterness and
greed? I know I don't deserve it, but please, say
you'll try.
MELANA
I heard what you said and I forgive you with all my heart.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I guess you got that happy ending you wanted.
GABRIELLE
And then some.
MAN
Excuse me, please. Could you tell us which is
the road going west?
XENA
You're on it. There's a town on the way if you're
looking for food and shelter. We'd be happy to
help you get there.
MAN
Mmm, you're very kind, but we're in a hurry. Come
dear, the caravan won't wait.
Yes, we're coming.
GABRIELLE
Wait a minute. If you're in a hurry, then, wouldn't
it be faster if your wife and child rode the distance?
MAN
Well, of course, but we don't have the means to-
You do now.
MAN
For us? But, it's too much. We can't accept it.
GABRIELLE
Sure you can, if you can whistle. Call it a, um,
call it a Solstice gift for the baby.
May God smile on you always for your kindness.
Thank you. Tobias. Now take good care of these
people, okay? Don't be stubborn. I'll miss you, too.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
That was a nice thing you did back there.
GABRIELLE
What would I do with a silly old donkey, anyway?
XENA
Uh-huh.
GABRIELLE
They needed him more than me. Besides, they
seem pretty nice.
XENA
Mm-hmm.
GABRIELLE
After all, it is Solstice.
XENA
Oh, that's right.
Happy Solstice.
GABRIELLE
Well...what?
Oh. I don't have a gift for you.
XENA
Gabrielle, you are a gift to me.
STARRING
Lucy Lawless as Xena
Renee O'Connor as Gabrielle
GUEST CAST
Joe Berryman as Senticles
Peter Vere-Jones as King Silvus
Sher Booth as Melana
Daniel James as Lynal
Genevieve Lucre as Orphan #1
Jamie Kaire-Gataulu as Orphan #2
Nicko Vella as Orphan #3
Junior Chile as Orphan #4
Hemi Rudolph as First Guard
Mike Howell as Guard #1
Lucas Young as Bearded Guard
Tony Bishop as Donkey Owner
Johnny Glass as Man
Karen Morgan as Woman
Written by: Chris Manheim
Directed by: John T. Kretchmer
Disclaimer: Senticles was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, several chimneys are in dire need of repair.
