Livia
This transcript is dedicated to the memory of Kevin Smith.
Congratulations Livia.
LIVIA
I've had tougher games of tag.
ARES
I wasn't talking about the battle. Oh, the battle's
good. No I was talking about you being named
the emperor's official successor.
LIVIA
Then our plans are on target.
ARES
And soon, you will be the most powerful woman,
this empire has ever known.
LIVIA
Then no one can stop us from exterminating the
followers of Eli as traitors to Rome and the god
she honours.
Ga--Gabri...
Uh-h-h-h-h-h. Xena...where are we?
XENA
The baby. Where's Eve?
GABRIELLE
Octavius was supposed to bring her to us.
XENA
Som'in's gone wrong. We've got to get outta here
and find them.
Gabrielle I don't recognize this place.
VILLAGE LEADER
You ladies lost?
XENA
Well that depends. Where are we?
VILLAGE LEADER
At the foot of Mount Etna.
GABRIELLE
Mount Etna? How did we get here?
XENA
Ares. (yelling) Ares?! Come out! I know you're
here someplace.
VILLAGE LEADER
Beg pardon but uh, Ares hasn't been seen in
these parts since the legendary Xena died about,
o-oh, twenty-five years ago.
XENA
Twenty-five years.
ACT ONE
Are you saying that we've been out-I mean that--that
Xena has been dead for twenty-five years?
XENA
(to Gabrielle) We gotta get to Rome?
GABRIELLE
Why Rome?
XENA
Because that's where Octavius was headed. He'll
know where I can find Eve. (to Village Leader) You!
Do you know anything about a Roman big shot
named Octavius? He's probably a--a general or
a commander.
VILLAGE LEADER
Only commander I know of is Livia, the emperor's bitch.
XENA
(whispering) No.
VILLAGE LEADER
Excuse my language, but when Augustus lets
her slaughter harmless people like the followers
of Eli I just lose my-
GABRIELLE
Eli? Do people still follow his teachings?
VILLAGE LEADER
You're not from 'round here, are you?
GABRIELLE
Thank you.
I agree.
EXTRA
Thank you.
I really recommend the beans.
Oh!
MEG
Pardon me.
XENA
Meg. It's Meg.
GABRIELLE
No Xena you were identical.
MEG
Here gimme that. I'll getcha a fresh one.
GABRIELLE
If I were you I would lay off the starches.
Oh, pardon me again.
You know what Shorty, you kinda look like her.
Only Gabrielle wasn't so butch.
Meg! Go on shake your moneymaker will ya? We
got bard burgers burnin' back there.
MEG
Aw shut up.
JOXER
You hush up!
MEG
No you hush up!
JOXER
Oh yeah?! You hush up first!
MEG
I gave you the best chow-
GABRIELLE
Joxer?
JOXER
What?!
GABRIELLE
Is that you?
(whispering) Gabrielle. Xena.
XENA
Joxer.
What're you gonna do now?
XENA
All I know is I've got to find my baby.
JOXER
You know I looked for you for years. I only quit
after...after old Argo died.
XENA
Argo.
There'll never be another like her.
JOXER
Come with me girls.
Xena, meet Argo...the Second.
GABRIELLE
Is that really Argo's daughter?
JOXER
Yeah. Only thing is, I never let anyone ride her.
Xena?
Let's see what you can do. Yah!
Joxer she's beautiful.
Hey Dad! Can you come here 'n' take a look at this?!
JOXER
Hey boy, come here. Huh, I want you to meet
somebody. See? I want you to meet Xena and
Gabrielle. This is Virgil.
VIRGIL
It's a privilege to finally meet you.
JOXER
See? Apple didn't fall far from the tree.
You have a son.
JOXER
Yeah.
XENA
That's great.
JOXER
Hey. Uh, you know that, uh, Roman friend of yours
uh, he uh, he swore you two were alive uh, after
I saw you dead. Funny.
XENA
Roman fr-you mean Octavius?
JOXER
Yeah.
XENA
Did he have Eve with him?
JOXER
Yeah but uh, b--but he left, after he saw Ares drag
your bodies away.
GABRIELLE
Where is he now Joxer?
JOXER
Rome.
XENA
That's where we're headed.
JOXER
W--wait--wait--wait. Wait a minute. You--y--you
might not uh, get there because you know, things
have changed a lot since you were last here.
You better let, uh, Virgil and I take ya.
XENA
Good.
VIRGIL
This Octavius isn't gonna be easy to find. The
emperor's holding a victory march for his champion,
Livia. The city's packed.
JOXER
Yeah, yeah, see? So uh, so it's all settled. I'll--I'll
go get my armor and uh, delouse my sword and
uh, hey, you know, it'll be like old times again.
(to Virgil) Get the horses ready in there. Hey boy,
don't forget my prunes yeah!
The crowd's got 'em spooked. Think you can get
them to a stable?
GABRIELLE
Yeah. What are you gonna do?
XENA
I'm gonna take in the victory march.
GABRIELLE
Xena you know how degrading they are.
XENA
Yep and everyone who's anyone's gonna be there.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Glory to Rome!
Octavius is Augustus Caesar.
Ave Caesar.
EXTRA
Rome rules the world!
Xena.
XENA
Octavius.
EXTRA
Hail to mighty Rome!
XENA
Where's my daughter Octavius?
Livia! Livia! All hail Livia! Livia!
Livia! Livia! Livia! Livia! Livia!
XENA
That's her?
AUGUSTUS
Livia, champion of Rome.
XENA
That's Eve?
ACT TWO
Hail Augustus, emperor of Rome. I render to you
the spoils of battle.
AUGUSTUS
Your triumph and tribute pleases us Livia. Accept
our imperial thanks and the thanks of a grateful nation.
EXTRA
All hail Livia!
XENA
Now wave and close the curtain. Do it!
Caesar!
What have you done to her?
AUGUSTUS
Done? You saw, she's incredible.
XENA
She's a warrior for Rome!
AUGUSTUS
She's alive. Considering all of Mount Olympus
wanted to kill her, wanted to crush the bringer
of Twilight, what more did you expect?
XENA
I'll tell you what I expected. I expected to raise her
myself! To show her a way beyond the blood
and the violence!
AUGUSTUS
But you weren't there! She was sent away as a
child and raised in the provinces, with every advantage.
She had the best tutors, the best training!
XENA
For what? I saw the slaves. She's a monster!
AUGUSTUS
She's the greatest warrior Rome's ever known
and she's going to be my wife.
Uh!
XENA
No daughter of mine is going marry Rome.
AUGUSTUS
Uh, she doesn't know she's your daughter. I
never told her.
XENA
Then I will!
AUGUSTUS
Why? So the gods can hunt her again? Only this
time you, won't fool them into thinking she's dead.
Please! Xena, I love her. Think of Eve.
As my wife, the gods will only know her as Livia,
Rome's champion. As your daughter Eve, they'll
kill her.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Can't sleep?
XENA
I feel like there's no way home.
GABRIELLE
What do you mean?
XENA
I gave away one child once. And this time, I wanted
to do right by Eve. But I woke up and my child had
been ripped from my arms.
GABRIELLE
Xena she's alive. There's a chance that you can
still be in her life.
XENA
It's not gonna be easy. She has my darkness
inside of her. She has Callisto's spirit. Those are
tough odds to beat.
GABRIELLE
You did it.
XENA
I had help.
GABRIELLE
She has us. Xena she can change. Like mother,
like daughter. Go to her and talk to her. She will
see the truth.
(whispers) Okay.
You're right. Whatever turned Eve, we can turn
her back.
Like mother, like daughter, huh.
One crop this season!
VIRGIL
This is my shop.
XENA
Great, we'll meet you back here later.
EXTRA
Fresh fried bread!
GABRIELLE
Xena are you sure you don't need help?
JOXER
Yeah, I--I could come with ya, you know? I'm still
Joxer the M-
Joxer the M-
Thanks anyway. Wish me luck.
Fortune favours the brave.
GABRIELLE
I'll say. You have a way with words.
JOXER
Words schmords, you should see him shoe a
horse. Now that's something to see.
Citizens! Your attention! Your attention, please!
Attention! To commemorate her victories, Livia has
commissioned a new temple, to Ares. Your
offerings, are appreciated.
EXTRA
Cough it up, citizens!
EXTRA
This is all I have.
EXTRA
Come on. Pay your respects.
Money for the god's temple.
EXTRA
Yeah come on.
JOXER
Blow it out your ass Titan.
Let go 'a him!
ROMAN GUARD
It's not a request.
GABRIELLE
Look you can't force us to give money to the gods.
ROMAN CAPTAIN
You're one of those Eli believers.
GABRIELLE
I believe that you have a right to choose whatever
faith you want. Now let him go.
ROMAN GUARD
Or you'll do what?
We're not lookin' for trouble.
ROMAN CAPTAIN
Too bad, you already found it. Get 'em!
ROMAN GUARD
The woman's mine!
Get them!
JOXER
Now you'll taste the steel of Joxer the Mighty!
Yeh Gods!
Stop! Or the old man gets it!
Let's go tough guy!
EXTRA
Come on!
Whoo! You are worse than a wasp!
LIVIA
Ha. Death has no sting for gods remember?
Yah! Yah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!
Hah!
Give up?
LIVIA
I'll give you somethin'.
ACT THREE
If you were mortal, I'd cut out your heart.
ARES
Xena.
Kiss this.
Ooh.
Charming. Move and I'll kill you.
ARES
Take it easy Livia.
It's not how it looks.
LIVIA
Then how is it?
ARES
For twenty-five years I thought Xena was dead. And
now she shows up, not one day older. I had to kiss
her, make sure she was real, not an impostor.
LIVIA
You're telling me that you had to kiss her to I.D. her?
ARES
Think about it. If Xena is still alive, chances are
that Eve is too. And if she is, then I'm the dead man.
LIVIA
Because Eve is the bringer of Twilight.
XENA
Eve is dead and you know it.
Who asked you?
ARES
Livia don't.
No let her go. She'll be back. And if Eve is alive,
she'll lead us right to her.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's all my fault. If I hadn't opened my big mouth
we wouldn't be in this mess. Gabrielle's furious
with me.
VIRGIL
Are you kidding? After all the times you helped
her and Xena? I mean, saving 'em from the--the
bacchae and dryads and not to mention Callisto
all those times.
JOXER
Listen now, why don't we not mention any of that
to her. I mean, I--I don't want her to feel that, she
owes me, you know.
Nobody knows what's going on. In fact nobody
deserves to be here. I don't get it.
VIRGIL
I do. They're followers of Eli.
That's Eve isn't it?
VIRGIL
Better known as Livia.
All right listen up. You pick a champion to fight
me in the arena. To keep it fair, I'll provide the
weapons and armour. If he wins, you go free.
I win and you die.
GABRIELLE
That is not salvation. That's slaughter. You're
above that.
LIVIA
How would you know?
GABRIELLE
Ask yourself that question.
You sheep would do well to choose him as your
champion. (to Virgil) Yeah, you're the one.
Hello Octavius.
AUGUSTUS
I see the years haven't robbed you of your...stealth.
XENA
No just my child. But don't worry, I'm not gonna
kill ya. Not today. I believe that you truly do care
for my daughter. I'm going to save her. Are you
in or out?
AUGUSTUS
Save her from what? Marrying me? Xena I love
her, and what's more Livia loves me.
XENA
Fool. She doesn't love you. She loves the God
of War.
AUGUSTUS
Ares? What's he got to do with this?
XENA
Everything. Who do you think tapped into her dark
side? He seduced her with promises of absolute power.
AUGUSTUS
That's a lie! Livia's hard, but she's honourable.
XENA
Ares is going to be at the bacchanalia tonight.
So am I.
AUGUSTUS
Livia has posted guards with orders to stop you
on sight.
XENA
I'll deal with that. When I catch up with Ares, I'm
going to give you a signal. Be watching, and find
a way to get Eve close enough to overhear us.
AUGUSTUS
But why?
XENA
Because Ares has her standing on the edge of
an abyss. She can't even see it. So you be there.
You be watching when I give the word.
Yes we should.
Livia I'd like a word with you.
Hit me.
XENA
Don't tempt me.
I was kinda hopin' you'd be back. I gotta know
what happened. I thought you were dead.
XENA
It's a nasty rumour.
ARES
No. No see I mourned you. For years I mourned you.
XENA
Yes you looked positively grief-stricken when I
saw you today at the arena.
ARES
What? That rough-and-tumble with Livia?
You're not jealous?
XENA
Of a Roman wannabe? Hardly.
ARES
Well you're right. She's not you.
Because if I thought for one moment, that you
being here meant we had a second chance...
XENA
Yes?
ARES
I'd drop her like a nasty habit.
You and Ares? I'd sooner see the empire destroyed
than leave it to you.
ACT FOUR
Ares.
Still pickin' up on me after all these years. I'm
flattered. But you're not the only one with insight.
I picked up on som'in' too. Wanna hear?
XENA
No.
ARES
Livia. Or should I say Eve?
XENA
I don't know what you're talking about.
ARES
Yeah you do. Both times I've seen you it's been
because Livia's been there. The arena, the bacchanalia.
Bet you're gonna try and see her now right? Ri-i-ight.
See? I figured out whatever you did to cheat death
I must've slowed up by putting you and Gabrielle
on ice, but not Eve. And so for twenty-five years
she kept growing. Into Livia, champion of Rome.
XENA
Keep out of my way.
The moment it hit me I knew. I don't know why
I didn't see it before but I didn't. I swear.
XENA
And that's supposed to make it okay?
ARES
No, it's supposed to make you see that it wasn't personal.
XENA
It doesn't get more personal than when you corrupt
my daughter the way you did me.
ARES
See? That is just my point. It's not the same.
Nobody's the same as you Xena, not for me.
XENA
Then let me take her away. Ares the other gods
don't need to know.
ARES
It's not my call. But the offer...is what it's always
been. You and me together, a child, and I take
Livia's secret with me to the grave. Otherwise...
XENA
You'd condemn to death a woman you claim to love?
ARES
No, but I'd condemn her daughter.
What are you doing?
Um, that? It's, nothing.
GABRIELLE
Are you writing?
VIRGIL
Yes. Um, I write. Or, at least I try but I'm nowhere
near as good as you.
GABRIELLE
You're a bard.
I--I write poems. Uh, epic poems.
GABRIELLE
I had no idea. Why didn't you say so?
VIRGIL
'Cause Dad doesn't like it. I think he wishes I
was more like him. You know, a real hero instead
of writing about one?
JOXER
Virgil, you are a hero. You were willing to risk
your life to fight Livia and try and save all our lives.
VIRGIL
Well that's nothing compared to the stories about
what you've done.
JOXER
Virgil, all the stories I told you about me being
a hero are uh, uh...
GABRIELLE
They're inspiring.
VIRGIL
I'll say. I mean that's why I write 'em down, so
everyone who reads 'em might try to find the
courage to be a hero too. I did.
GABRIELLE
Runs in the family.
I didn't come here to fight. I came to talk.
LIVIA
About what? Ares? Well you can have him, if you
live long enough.
Ha-hun.
It's not about Ares. I want to talk about you.
LIVIA
Me? You don't know the first thing about me!
XENA
But I do. I know your first laugh, your first tears.
I know your first breath. I'm your mother. You're
my daughter. Your name is Eve.
LIVIA
Well Ares was right about one thing. You're incredible!
XENA
It's an incredible story, but the bottom line is Ares
now knows I'm your mother. You're in grave danger.
LIVIA
You're insane! Why would I believe you?!
XENA
You are my daughter. When the other gods find
out, you're g-
LIVIA
Shut up! You are not my mother. Rome is my
mother. You're the one I want to fight to the death,
tomorrow, in the arena. Just you and me.
Ares!
Livia! It's Livia!
EXTRA
Livia!
EXTRA
Kill, kill!
EXTRA
Kill her-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r!
EXTRA
Livia rules!
EXTRA
Livia-a-a-a-a-a-a-a!
EXTRA
You're the champion.
EXTRA
You must be victorious!
Livia, commander of the legions of Rome is here
as your champion. Announce the match.
Would you deny the people their sport? Announce
the match!
The first match will be fought by Livia, defender
of Rome-
EXTRA
Yeah!
AUGUSTUS
-against the champion of the followers of Eli, Xena.
Death to Xena!
EXTRA
Kill her!
EXTRA
Execute the traitor!
EXTRA
Go Livia!
EXTRA
Destroy Xena!
EXTRA
Kill Xena!
EXTRA
Kill her!
EXTRA
Destroy Xena!
Kill her slowly Livia!
EXTRA
Death for Xena!
EXTRA
Death!
XENA
We don't have to do this.
LIVIA
I know.
EXTRA
Make her suffer!
AUGUSTUS
Begin.
LIVIA
Yah-h-h-h-h!
Kill her!
LIVIA
Yah!
Rip her to pieces!
XENA
Eve I know you're angry!
EXTRA
Come on Xena!
XENA
Give us time.
LIVIA
Our time ran out twenty-five years ago.
EXTRA
Cut her head off!
EXTRA
Kill her!
EXTRA
Kill her!
LIVIA
Yah!
Yah-h-h-h-h-h-yah!
Get her Livia!
XENA
I will never give up on you Eve. Never!
LIVIA
I'm Livia!
Yah! Yah!
Yah!
Kill her!
EXTRA
Kill her!
EXTRA
Finish her!
EXTRA
Kill her!
I'm not going to kill you Eve. You're my daughter,
whether you know it or not. I love you.
LIVIA
Then let-me-die.
EXTRA
Kill her!
EXTRA
Kill her!
EXTRA
Kill her!
EXTRA
Let her die!
Our champion chooses mercy!
GABRIELLE
Life for us all! Life! Life for us all!
Life!
EXTRA
Show mercy!
Uh!
I'll make you wish I'd never been born.
XENA
No Eve.
Thank you Xena! Thank you Xena!
XENA
Eve?
EXTRA
Bless you Xena!
EXTRA
Thank you Xena!
XENA
Eve! Eve!
EXTRA
Get her!
XENA
Eve.
We've gotta go after her Gabrielle. She'll do
something terrible. We've gotta save her from
herself, and the gods.
END OF ACT FOUR
STARRING
Lucy Lawless as Xena
Lucy Lawless as Meg
Renee O'Connor as Gabrielle
GUEST CAST
Ted Raimi as Joxer
Kevin Smith as Ares
Adrienne Wilkinson as Livia
William Gregory Lee as Virgil
Colin Moy as Augustus
Andrea Kelland as Village Leader
Dane Jerro as Roman Captain
Craig Doherty as Roman Guard
Kate Smeda as Kara
Michael Langley as Theon
Stuart Thorpe as Burly Soldier
Written by: Chris Manheim
Directed by: Rick Jacobson
Disclaimer: Due to an over indulgence of Bean and Bard Burgers, Meg's gastro-intestinal problem intensified during the production of this motion picture.
