Heart of Darkness
Xena will never go down to Hell voluntarily.
RAPHAEL
When she opened up that portal and killed
Mephistopheles, she became him. You know the
rules. She belongs on that throne.
MICHAEL
The last time Xena was in Hell - she almost
captured Heaven.
RAPHAEL
Well, we've gotta do something. We can't just
leave her on Earth with pure evil streaming out
of that portal.
LUCIFER
Aren't you two inspiring? Michael and Raphael,
chief warrior angels of the chief himself, quaking
like a couple of frightened children.
MICHAEL
You're very sure of yourself, aren't you?
LUCIFER
I'm sure of both my faith and my devotion, which
has fueled my speedy ascent up the hierarchy. A
climb that will continue - with a promotion to Seraphim.
MICHAEL
And how do you plan to achieve that?
LUCIFER
By throwing Xena down into Hell myself.
MICHAEL
You realize Xena has the power to destroy angels.
LUCIFER
She will use that power unless I send her to Hell.
Very well. Proceed.
He just may be the right one for the job.
MICHAEL
He may be perfect.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A great evil is coming, Gabrielle. I can feel it.
GABRIELLE
Maybe that's because you're standing near the
portal to Hell.
EVE
Maybe, but there's a reason it's remained open,
even after Mephistopheles' death. It's waiting
for something.
Yes, it is, Eve. It wants your mother.
GABRIELLE
Who...why are you here?
LUCIFER
To do what Eve knows in her heart must be done.
But since we're both on the same side-
-I felt that she at least deserved the courtesy of
a quick goodbye.
GABRIELLE
Xena.
Get away from my horse.
I was just being friendly.
XENA
I've heard that before.
ALIYAH
I came to offer my services, Xena. After everything
you've done for the city and our people, I'd like
to help restore your mother's tavern.
XENA
Well, thanks.
Xena? Xena, we've got a problem.
XENA
Let me guess, it's huge and potentially devastating.
An angel.
LUCIFER
Well, I'm more than an angel. I'm an archangel,
destined to become a household name, especially
after I send Xena to Hell.
So it is huge and potentially devastating.
Goody.
As Eli's messenger, I tell you this is wrong.
LUCIFER
What's wrong is your mother's selfish refusal to
bow to the prophecy of Mephistopheles' throne.
Fortunately, Heaven's got me on its side. Now,
if you'll excuse us - we have a steaming portal
to get to.
Stay out of this, Gabrielle. I wish you no harm.
XENA
That's surprisingly decent, coming from one so
guilty of indecent exposure.
I expose nothing.
XENA
Except your abundant pride.
You're obviously not aware that this pride you
accuse me of is a mortal sin.
XENA
One of the seven deadlies, in fact. So I can
understand you wanting to keep it quiet, being an
angel and all.
LUCIFER
You twist my words.
XENA
No, I straighten them out. And you should thank
me, because they're the last ones you're ever
gonna speak.
Because I am a generous soul, I'm going to make
sure that Gabrielle records your household name
for all of posterity.
LUCIFER
Lucifer. My name's Lucifer.
XENA
Has a nice ring. Kinda like a death knell.
ACT ONE
Mother, don't.
You can't murder a servant of god.
XENA
Was he serving god when he tried to send me
to Hell?
GABRIELLE
No.
LUCIFER
Yes.
EVE
It's not always possible for mankind to understand
or interpret god's will.
Well, well, seems you've got quite a dilemma
here, Xena, 'cause you know if you don't kill me
now, I'll try again.
XENA
Well, that's what I'm counting on. You see, things
have been a little dull around here since Mephistopheles
lost his crown. Come on, Luci - I won't bite.
You don't mind if I call ya Luci, do ya?
LUCIFER
No.
XENA
Lucifer. Lucironi. Big Al.
Good trick. Come on, let me buy ya a drink. It's
all right. I know the owner.
(whispering) What was that?
EVE
A cancerous evil has taken root within her heart
and is at this very moment destroying her soul.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
As usual, you two are completely overreacting.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Overreacting"? You don't get it. Xena, this evil
is seeping up through Hell. It's coming through
that portal, straight to your heart.
EVE
You may not be descending to Mephistopheles'
throne voluntarily, but obviously it's coming up
to claim it's new queen.
XENA
You mean its rightful ruler.
GABRIELLE
That would be you.
XENA
Not if I can find someone else to take my place.
Him.
GABRIELLE
You're gonna turn an archangel into the king
of Hell?
XENA
Oh, he's less of an angel than I am. He just doesn't
know it yet.
GABRIELLE
So, how do you plan on making him see the light?
XENA
By showing him how much he's gonna love the dark.
Eli says, "To corrupt another is to corrupt yourself."
XENA
Evie.
Listen. Fruit rots from the inside out. It's not called
corruption if you just peel away the layers to expose
the rotten core. That is, unless you want Mommy
to go to Hell.
Well, then...
Nice place you got here.
XENA
Well, that's the last time I let an evil demon do
the redecorating. Trust me - the more you drink,
the better it looks.
LUCIFER
No one's that thirsty.
XENA
You'd be surprised. Come on.
Come on. Take a load off.
You know, I've traveled the world and I've never
found a place with such tranquillity.
Here's to worldy delights.
Oh, come on. When on Earth...
Hm-m.
LUCIFER
Ah-h.
XENA
You know, the world has many such pleasures
to offer, Lucifer, which is why I'm not thinking of
leaving it any time soon, despite what you and
your friend Michael might have planned.
LUCIFER
You mean despite what you promised.
XENA
I never promised anything when I vanquished
Mephistopheles.
LUCIFER
But you were aware that came with certain obligations.
Even heroism comes with a price, Xena.
XENA
It also brings unexpected rewards, just like it
brought you to me.
LUCIFER
You say that like it's a good thing.
XENA
It's not often that I meet an adversary whose other
attributes equal his prowess with a sword.
Eli's love - it's reward enough in itself. It blesses
both the giver and the receiver. It-
YOUNG GUY VILLAGER
Sounds like a bunch of ox dung to me.
You got that right.
EXTRA
You tell her.
EVE
That's because we've been raised on this ignorant
notion that riches and selfishness can fill the
emptiness in our souls.
HOUSEWIFE VILLAGER
If that's true then I say let's leave the enlightenment
and the poverty to the poets and the prophets.
EVE
No-o-o.
YOUNG GUY VILLAGER
You would say that, you stupid sow, the way you
and that lazy husband of yours have been stealing
from us for years.
HOUSEWIFE VILLAGER
Oh, please! You don't even know what you are
talking about!
YOUNG GUY VILLAGER
Fifteen bricks, fourteen quarts of water! Fifteen-
HOUSEWIFE VILLAGER
You!
I don't know what's wrong with them.
HOUSEWIFE VILLAGER
Oh!
You really-
EVE
I do.
You.
Gabrielle, there's a man here looking for you and Xena.
HOUSEWIFE VILLAGER
You!
I saw the evidence. I saw an amulet lying there
on the ground. It was a green-
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Have you ever asked yourself why the denizens
of Heaven itself are denied the most heavenly pleasures?
I don't ask questions, Xena. I do as I'm commanded.
XENA
Well, I don't know why you're not Seraph yet. I
bet even on your worst days you're twice the
angel those others are.
LUCIFER
If only my superiors were as perceptive as you.
XENA
I do have an eye for talent.
And quick hands.
XENA
With these hands, I can attain both pleasure and
power for whomsoever I choose. Let me use them
to make you the envy of all the angels instead of
you being the one who does all the envying.
LUCIFER
You make an enticing offer.
XENA
Especially when you consider what an unappealing
quality envy is in an angel.
Ah. Ah.
LUCIFER
You mean what a sinful quality, don't you?
XENA
Well, if the truth hurts, let me make it better.
LUCIFER
How?
XENA
Stay on Earth and I'll show you.
You can't imagine what it's like, Lucifer, to sample
flesh in every form.
LUCIFER
Despite what you may think, Xena, it's not the flesh
that's appealing - it's the spirit. Because that's-
LUCIFER and XENA
-where the power comes from.
I know.
GABRIELLE (voice-over)
Who are these travelers?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know, but they've been arriving in droves
all day. The group your friend Virgil is with were
headed over to the armory.
EVE
What interest could Virgil have with weapons?
ALIYAH
You know men and their toys.
GABRIELLE
It doesn't sound like the Virgil I know.
Get him!
EVE
Gabrielle, look.
Go, Virgil! Come on!
EXTRA
Come on! Get him!
EXTRAS
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Virgil?
EXTRAS
Fight! Fight! Fight!
GABRIELLE
Oh, Virgil?
EXTRAS
Fight!
GABRIELLE
Hey!
EXTRAS
Fight! Fight!
You look tastier than I remember. Mm!
GABRIELLE
Virgil...will you help me? He's hurt.
VIRGIL
Sure, anything for you, Babe.
What are you doing, Virgil?!
EVE
He's following his heart.
We want a fight!
EVE
Just like all these other people.
EXTRA
Kill him!
What are you saying?
EVE
The portal is a magnet. It's drawing people here.
It's feeding their dark side. It's creating a Hell
on Earth, Gabrielle.
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
You and I have much in common.
LUCIFER
Of course we do. You're a mortal female with a lying
tongue, savage tendencies and a blonde girlfriend.
I'm a celibate archangel in the service of the Lord.
Ah, yes, but we're both sinners at heart, you and
I, trying to walk a path that we weren't meant to.
Your reputation for wit is well deserved. Me, a sinner?
You hit two of the top seven in your first hour here.
What do you call that? Beginner's luck?
Red is definitely your colour.
XENA
You know, I see the same spirit burning in you. If
we put 'em together we could rule both Hell and Earth.
LUCIFER
Why don't you start by taking me to Heaven?
XENA
Gladly.
Ugh!
Wow. What are you doing?
XENA
It's Egyptian massage. It's one of the world's
greatest and most sensual pleasures.
LUCIFER
It's not exactly what I had in mind, but it'll do for
now. Ahh.
Virgil, I thought you were off writing poetry.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
You've heard the old adage: "Write what you know."
Well, it turns out that shearing sheep and shoeing
horses provide a pretty shallow well from which
to draw.
GABRIELLE
There's a difference between getting life experience
and beating an innocent man.
No man is innocent.
Or woman.
You don't believe that.
EVE
He can't know what he believes, not when his
heart is lying to him.
VIRGIL
No! It lied to me when it urged that forgive you
for murdering my father. Now, is Xena here or not?
GABRIELLE
What do you want with her?
VIRGIL
Rumour has it that with the gods dead, she's
about to take the reigns of power. I was hoping
that when I pledged my life to her mission-
-I'd be doing it with you at my side.
Are you feeling any more relaxed?
Ready for the next phase of my earthly education.
Well-
-lesson one-
-lose the dagger, especially when I know you
don't really wanna send old Xena to Hell.
LUCIFER
Ah, you doubt my resolve.
XENA
Oh, no.
LUCIFER
Why don't you just kill me?
XENA
Because wasted potential is the greatest sin of all.
I wanna be your salvation, Lucifer.
I want nothing from you.
XENA
Then how about everything?
LUCIFER
That's a big word.
XENA
Oh, it's a big world. That's what I'm offering.
This is a sign of my continued commitment to
convert this temple and these people to your ways
of love, Eli. It is a humble reminder that I cannot
do this alone.
LUCIFER
What a long-winded way to ask for help.
Let's hear your version.
LUCIFER
What for? I came for some peace and quiet in
which to think, not ask for assistance.
EVE
You need Eli's assistance.
Although, perhaps you're too far gone, even for that.
Xena! Xena! Xena! Xena! Xena! Xena! Xena! Xena!
Xena! Xena! Xena! Xena! Xena! Xena! Xena! Xena!
Xena! Xena! Xena! Xena! Xena! Xena! Xena! Xena!
Xena! Xena! Xena!
Let's party-y-y-y-y-y-y!
Yeah-h-h-h-h-h-h!
VIRGIL
Come on, ladies! I am a-a-a-all yours!
Out of the way, Eve!
Mother, your purpose will not be served by subjecting
this temple or this town to further desecration!
XENA
It's not desecration, Eve. We're just throwing a
farewell bash for our celestial guest, assuming
that he'll give us the pleasure.
LUCIFER
The pleasure's all mine, Xena - because the
farewell I'll be celebrating is yours.
GABRIELLE
You should listen to your mother, Eve. She knows
what she's doing.
EVE
I wouldn't be so sure, Gabrielle.
Not anymore.
XENA
Eve, sweetheart - if you can't stand the heat, then
maybe you should get the hell out of my kitchen!
EVE
Or stay and put out the fire.
Uh!
GABRIELLE
No one likes a party-pooper.
XENA
Cheee-yah! Ha, ha!
Whoo! Whoo!
I've had enough.
VIRGIL
Perhaps, but it'll help us bridge a gap more quickly
since we last so each other.
GABRIELLE
You mean it would make me drunk and loose.
VIRGIL
No one understands my words better than you, Gabrielle.
All right!
Your friends seem to be enjoying themselves.
XENA
Almost as much as you seem to enjoy watching them.
LUCIFER
I'm an angel, Xena. That's what I do.
XENA
Well, there's nothing to keep you one forever, is
there? Down here the greatest possession is free
will. Take your destiny in your hands, Lucifer. Stay
here. Rule the world with me. Or you can go back
to Heaven, become a Seraphim, spend the rest
of eternity taking orders.
Your choice.
You make me feel things Xena - a hunger.
XENA
It's called lust and the best thing is, even when
you've sated it, you can never be too full.
Then allow me to spend eternity trying to devour you.
Will I get another dagger in return?
LUCIFER
No. You get to devour me, body and soul.
Fortunately, Lucifer, the soul of an archangel is
not his to give away. It belongs to his God.
END OF ACT TWO
ACT THREE
Michael...since you, better than anyone, know I
have the power to kill angels, I am very impressed
you'd come to do your own dirty work.
MICHAEL
You dare talk of dirty work, when you besmirch
so many souls with your nefarious filth.
"Besmirch"? Is that even a real word?
RAPHAEL
What does it matter-
-when these are real swords.
Michael, I never thought I would do this.
MICHAEL
You won't.
Hey!
Ugh. O-oh.
You know? I really hope that the main course is
more satisfying than the appetizer.
Your little magic tricks won't get me into that
portal, Raphael.
RAPHAEL
I know something that will.
Lucifer - come on. You're smarter than that.
This isn't a matter of intelligence, Xena. It's
about devotion.
XENA
To whom? (to Lucifer) Your god?
LUCIFER
Yes.
The same god that denies pleasures to angels?!
But grants them to the lowliest creatures on Earth?
The same pleasures that I would spend eternity
showing you.
MICHAEL
If you want redemption, Lucifer, now is the time.
Ugh!
XENA
I was their hero once, too. Look how they've repaid
me. Lucifer...Lucifer.
I told you we'd make one hell of a team!
Yes?
I was kind of in the middle of something, Gabrielle.
GABRIELLE
You were supposed to throw him in the portal.
XENA
Yeah? Well, he wasn't ready.
GABRIELLE
Xena, no one is ready to go to Hell. That's the point.
XENA
Really? Well, you and Virgil were lookin' ready
to burn not long ago.
GABRIELLE
Yeah? So?
XENA
Evil, the dark side. It's intoxicating, isn't it?
GABRIELLE
(whispering) Oh, yeah, it's intoxicating.
XENA
Lucifer and I need time to work out the terms of
our new partnership.
GABRIELLE
"Partnership"?
XENA
With no one on the throne of Hell, that portal is
gonna burst wide open and the kingdoms of Earth
and Hell are going to merge and-
She'll need more than a mere mortal to help her
rule it.
VIRGIL
Who are you callin' mere?
How's your head?
You need my help, Mother. I'm the only one that
sees what's happening.
XENA
You may have the gift of sight, Eve, but you should
trust I have a vision.
EVE
As I feared, it's led you astray.
So what? You gonna illuminate the way back home?
EVE
Hopefully, before the light within is extinguished.
Ugh.
Where did I go wrong?
You've gotten in Mommy's way for the last time.
I hope you don't mind. I asked them to ready the
room for us.
XENA
Hm-m. Thank you, Aliyah.
ALIYAH
It was a pleasure to serve you.
Hm-m.
LUCIFER
And now it'll be mine.
XENA
Not now, Lucifer.
LUCIFER
Don't tell me you've got a headache.
XENA
Yes, and her name is Eve. We won't have any
peace until we've dealt with her.
LUCIFER
Peace. Peace is overrated. It's passion that makes
one feel alive.
XENA
Passion is also unpredictable, as I learned when
you nearly joined Michael in feeding me to the flames.
LUCIFER
Old habits die hard.
Right now, I'd do anything to make it up to you.
XENA
Even tell Michael and his God that the world is
ours and they better stay the hell out of our way?
LUCIFER
What makes you think they'll listen?
XENA
Oh, they'll listen when we kill their messenger.
LUCIFER
Kill Eve?
ACT FOUR
E-e-eve?! E-e-e-eve! E-e-e-e-eve!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
E-e-e-eve!
E-e-e-eve! Eve, there's nothing to be afraid of,
Honey! I just wanna talk to you!
LUCIFER
She could'a gone in any direction.
Eve? The sooner you stop running, the sooner
we can clear up this little misunderstanding!
LUCIFER
I love the way you bait a trap.
You ain't seen nothin' yet.
What are you doing here?
VIRGIL
Just havin' an old chat with Eli, about why he
chose my father's murderer as his messenger.
EVE
Really? What'd he say?
VIRGIL
He said, "Prayer won't help you now."
EVE
That's why I came for those.
I'm sorry, Eve. I can't let you do that.
EVE
Gabrielle, please.
GABRIELLE
No, listen, I can't let you discard all your beliefs
because of a crisis.
EVE
My beliefs will die with me if I do not send my
mother through that portal.
GABRIELLE
(whispering) No.
EVE
Look, the only thing left of my mother is our memory
of her. If you care anything about that, you will help
me send her through that portal.
GABRIELLE
I'll help you.
I've got her-r-r-r-r-r!
Nice run, Eve. Made your mom proud.
VIRGIL
She came for the swords.
XENA
My little pacifist. How enterprising...and hypocritical.
Have you learned nothing from our time together?
EVE
I've learned this.
And this.
Ugh!
Yah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!
And most importantly, I've learned that the heart
can betray, but the sword never lies.
LUCIFER
Great farewell speech. Time to go.
EVE
Yah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!
Wait. If anyone deserves this historic opportunity
it's Gabrielle.
LUCIFER
Wh-Gab-Gabrielle?
XENA
She's been my partner for years. She's shared
things with me you can never understand.
What about our partnership?!
XENA
You can't expect me to trust someone so ripe for
corruption? Someone so quick to switch sides
and someone, who without even realizing it, has
committed every deadly sin but one.
LUCIFER
You tricked me!
XENA
You tried to kill me. What did you expect?
LUCIFER
I swear to you, Xena, I will spend eternity making
sure you feel my wrath!
XENA
Wrath? Congratulations, Lucifer, you just won the
deadly sin lottery with a perfect score of seven out
of seven. First prize is a one-way ticket to Hell.
LUCIFER
How dare you be so smug, when men sin every day?!
XENA
That's what makes us human, Lucifer, but in you,
an archangel - to succumb to such temptation,
that's what makes you a monster.
Rra-a-a-a-a-a-g-g-g-h-h!
Rraagh!
H-y-y-y-y-y-y-yah!
Rraggh!
I'm still hot for you, Xena. Only now I'm bigger, stronger,
and more powerful than ever!
XENA
That doesn't begin to make up for the attributes
you lost.
Wha...what have you done to me?!
XENA
Only what I suspect Michael wanted all along - to
put you in touch with your inner demon.
Your kingdom awaits! Yah!
Come, Xena. You belong to me.
XENA
The hell I do. A-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! Hyah!
Rraaaaghh!
Mother!
Eve.
EVE
You're back!
XENA
Part of me never left.
EVE
I never should have doubted you.
XENA
After all you've seen and been through, I can't
blame you for thinking the dark side had won. I
just hope that one you'll believe as strongly as
I do in the power of love to save lives.
Xena, you did more than save lives. You, um-
VIRGIL
Saved me from makin' the mistake of a lifetime.
Right.
VIRGIL
Well, I guess I better go clean this mess up.
I'll help.
Thought I'd lost you for a minute, there.
XENA
Yeah, which minute was that?
GABRIELLE
You and Lucifer were looking, um...a little, uh...
XENA
Gabrielle, every time I felt myself start to lose
control, um, just thought of you - led me back home.
Really?
XENA
Sure.
GABRIELLE
Don't go getting all emotional on me, Xena.
STARRING
Lucy Lawless as Xena
Renee O'Connor as Gabrielle
GUEST CAST
Adrienne Wilkinson as Eve
William Gregory Lee as Virgil
Alex Mendoza as Lucifer
Charles Mesure as Michael
Tamati Rice as Raphael
Kara Douglas as Aliyah
Michael Downey as Young Guy Villager
Sacha Handsaker-Cates as Housewife Villager
Written by: Emily Skopov
Directed by: Mark Beesley
Disclaimer: All Hell broke loose during the filming of this motion picture.
